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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Questioning my parenting

20 replies

dextersgirl · 07/04/2006 21:00

sorry about the numerous posts on my DP but they dont really fit into one post! Please try not to let my other posts influence your reply to this one as I think I could be over-reacting to bits but not others so need unbiased advice! :)

Ok, basically I have 2 children to my ex partner, he is still involved in their lives and has them every fortnight.

My current DP however has tried to take a very active role in the childrens upbringing and seems to actually try and go against my own parenting style with my own kids! For instance he had a go at me the other day about tea (drinking tea) asking why I dont let the boys drink it, I said it is no good for them, stains teeth and they've never asked for it so why give them it? he moaned, rolled his eyes and started going on about how he had tea and it never did him any harm etc Angry

Going around the supermarket he picks up a variety pack for their cereal, I said "no, they dont eat sugary cereal so most of them in there are no good..." again he rolled his eyes, said all cereal has sugar in it and then went on the say all kids have sugary cereal, it didnt do him any harm etc etc...!!

He now thinks I am Mrs Hitler because I have decided to work the boys pocket money out on how much they help me around the house (simple stuff like tidying their rooms, clearing dinner plates etc), he said he was far too busy being a child at their age to be slaving around the house and kids shouldnt be forced to help...again, it never did him any harm (which I totally disagree with as his mother still runs around after him now!).

A couple of days ago I jokingly told him that my 5 year old had pulled his tongue out just as his group leader took a group photo.. he replied with "Sad why does he find it so hard to just 'behave'"?

He also says they're little 'chavs' etc and says my eldest is camp (he's 7!) etc... I should add that he doesnt even live with us! All I constantly get is "mother used to do this with me...mother wouldnt do it like that blah blah blah....Im not HIS bleeding mother but aparantly only HER way is right Angry

So, am I right to be getting a little wound up?

OP posts:
busybusybee · 07/04/2006 21:06

Hello

TBH I wouldnt bother getting wound up I would just dump him. A man that doesnt even live with you has no right to dictate how you parent YOUR children.

I have read your other thread too - Im sure you can do better than him tbh

PinkTulips · 07/04/2006 21:07

i think my comment from the other thread still stands dextersgirl, DUMP HIM!

they're your kids, not his, and he obviously hasn't turned out ok for the most part if he doesn't have any manners or social graces at all!

lockets · 07/04/2006 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsmother · 07/04/2006 21:10

Absolutely.

What business is it of his ..... as you say you don't even live together.

Your guidelines sound very sensible to me, and I'd be wondering why he's sticking his nose in so much. On top of that, I'd find the chav & camp remarks very offensive actually ..... I almost wonder if he's jealous of them and is therefore constantly trying to put them down ?

Hate to say it, but if he's like this now, what would he be like if you moved in together and all of a sudden, I bet he'd be laying down the law about how the children "should" behave in "his" house. Am afraid I'd not only be wound up, but alarm bells would be ringing too.

Sorry.

Original poster
dextersgirl · 07/04/2006 21:17

this is what makes me laugh, he doesnt have any kids of his own yet he thinks its oh so easy to bring kids up to be perfect.

OP posts:
dublindee · 07/04/2006 21:19

He is not their father, he is not living in your home.

He has no right to tell you what you're doing is wrong if you are the one who has had to make decisions on their welfare from day one.

Tell him to butt out, keep his mouth shut, they're your children and you'll raise them how you see fit.

You're not his mother and never will be so you'll raise your boys your way.

He's a loser and he's mean - dump, dump, dump!

Jasnem · 07/04/2006 21:21

Tell us there is something really wonderful about this guy that makes you put up with this. I suspect not - haven't read other threads but doesnt sound good.
If he can't butt out then get rid!

tillykins · 07/04/2006 21:28

I don't like the sound of him at all, I think he would be very hard work to live with
You sound like you are doing your best to raise your children in a balanced way - healthy, responsible but not too harsh when they are a little silly
he sounds like he would fill them with junk then ground them for a week if they giggled too loud

lilianna · 07/04/2006 21:43

Dump him and if his so obsessed with his mothers ways tell him to go and bloody marry her just to give you some peace
please do not ever marry this man he is not worth yours or your childrens time.
Wish you all the luck- your children come first, which it sounds like you already know.

CarlyP · 07/04/2006 22:11

dump him. hes pathetic, insecure, tied to the apron strings.

Passionflower · 07/04/2006 22:37

Right, am going to give advice I wouldn't normally give because I believe that you never really know what goes on between partners from posts on here. But (and this goes for all three posts) DUMP HIM

fransmom · 07/04/2006 22:42

Shock and Shock how would he know how to raise children if he doesn't have any???????
and how dare he talk to you like that under any circumstances? i agree with everyone else, please get rid of him and find a decent man.

fm x

Nightynight · 07/04/2006 23:08

you know, dextersgirl, I would take all these as signs that he is not the one...

what does your ex, the children's dad think about this input btw?

Goodgirl · 07/04/2006 23:22

Read this thread, caught the other one......... alarm bells are ringing.

Do you and your children really need HIM to tell you what to do, be etc?

I think you're right to be wound up and isn't that what they do with failing businesses?

Obviously nobody else apart from you really knows the true situation but you are questioning all this for a good reason.

Caligula · 08/04/2006 06:18

He sounds like a very destructive control freak. I don't agree that he should have no input it at all (although he certainly shouldn't have any at this stage of the relationship) because if ever you move in together, he will be a primary caring figure in your children's lives and so he will need to have some sort of input, but tbh I think you would be mad to let this man have any more input in your life, because it doesn't sound as if the input he's making is positive.

If he were to move in as your partner, then he would have to agree to be supportive, not undermining, of your parenting and to provide stability and boundaries for your children and to present a united front with you to them. It doesn't sound to me like he's remotely capable of entering into such an adult relationship.

If he's absolutely wonderful in bed, keep him there - don't let him anywhere near the rest of your life. But tbh unless he is providing you with a minimum of four orgasms a session, I don't really see from your threads what positive influence this man is having on your life. Obviously, we only get the negatives here, but the negatives are really serious, imo.

ssd · 08/04/2006 09:02

dextersgirl, boy you seem to have found a right one there!

I don't know why you're putting up with him TBH.

I'd rather be alone than listen to a halfwit like that. I bet your kids don't like him much either.

Let us know when you dump him!

edam · 08/04/2006 09:38

I think someone who uses cruel insults about small children is fit to be in their company, tbh. If you don't want to dump him (and why on earth not?) then please try to see him separately from your children. Which is not easy, so dumping him really might be your best option.

yeamam · 08/04/2006 09:59

I agree with all of the above. You need to find some self respect girl!! Whilst you don't respect yourself then you will let this ape treat you as he sees fit!

I have read all of your threads and want to ask you "Do you think you deserve no better than this animal?" :(

You do you know. Get rid of him.. what kind of example is he setting to your children by treating you like shit, and what kind of an example are you giving, be letting him treat you like shit? He's an arse... get rid! :(

4blue1pink · 08/04/2006 10:04

the camp bit rings alarm bells! bollocks to him - not read other threads but ..he does not sound nice!

scoobytwo · 08/04/2006 10:08

im sorry to say this but you seriously have a problem with yourself!
all these threads about your b.f just walk away from him

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