Friend might be having an affair, according to her DD... what to do?!

[helpmehelpfriend]

DD's friend told my DD that she thinks her Mum is having an affair. Mum is a friend of mine, and actually , I think that might be the case (but don't know for sure, just confirms some very strange behaviour ).

Common sense tells me to keep out of it... but on the other hand, I wonder if friend should know that her DD (young teenager) is suspecting this - I think friend has no idea that her DD and siblings (and possibly DH) have this suspicion

I think you should tell her that her dd is worried about a possible affair - the dd needs reasurance and her mum can only give it if she knows about it.

If she is having an affair, it might be the thing that brings her to her senses.

Oh come on OMC. Why so sarcastic? Shouldn't this woman know that her affair (or not) is having an impact on her child?

Ormiriathomimus I'm actually not being all that sarcastic.
I think the OP does need to have a word with the possibly lying cheater.

If she is cheating, as EdithWeston says, by not disclosing, you're colluding. At least that's often said.

If she is cheating, she should have left; and her DH would be completely reasonable to kick her out. So I understand.

Hmmmm... not completely maybe. I just remember 'meeting' you before and knowing that you have a somewhat jaundiced view of MN and the treatment on her of affairees. I can see why. I was on the other side to you and also ended up feeling a bit bruised However I don't see how anyone can argue that the parent of a child who is distressed by intimations of infidelity doesn't needs to get a heads up and DO SOMETHING about it. Without the thinly-veiled digs...

I don't know tbh.The dd told your dd, she didn't tell you. If the other mum is a good friend of yours, yes perhaps but otherwise I don't know, I don't think I would say anything.

Why do you think this is any of your business?

personally, i would want to sit down and talk to your friends dd. perhaps talk to her about telling her dm herself and if she wants support (from you or your dd) then reasure her that she's got it, and you'll be with her if she wishes.

i dont think its your place to say anything, friend or not. do you really want the guilt that will follow if you got involved first?

she must be feeling so alone having to deal with this by herself

Would it be feasible for you to say to the girl's mum that you overheard the girls talking about parents having affairs and how upsetting it would be? Just say how sensitive they are at this age - and you know your dd's safe, because you wouldn't have the energy ha ha ha!!

Difficult situation.

sorry folks, haven't had MN access this weekend.

"why do you think this is any of my business" Apololypto? Because I am very close to her DD, who has confided in my DD - who told me because she was worried. Not my business whether she is having an affair or not but it is my business if it's worrying my own daughter and affecting her own daughter and potentially whole family who I am very close to.
I've now talked it through in real life with another friend who told me she was worried about her.
Think my next course of action will be to talk directly to friend. I won't tell her what her DD has said.

Good luck OP, I don't envy your situation, it's a hard one. Hope she opens up to you.

Op u definately have to broach this with ur friend.

I prefer out of suggested options that ur dd heard about this from her dd who is scared and upset as she's worried she either heard something nasty about her mum or its true. That way all protectiveness instincts kick in.

In the short term tho ur friend may fall out with u. It will resolve, but might need time and patience on this one. Try to keep neutral to help kids.