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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

offensive comments

41 replies

dextersgirl · 07/04/2006 20:39

I dont think my boyfriend realises how offensive he comes across sometimes but in case I'm just being a soft touch and he is basically ripping the piss I would just like to give you an example of some of the things he says to me...(remember my last post too 'making me look stupid').

  1. "This is going to sound really bad but you have proper 'child bearing' hips..."

  2. "I wish you wouldnt wear your black coat, it makes you look 'frumpy'.."

  3. "your legs look short and stumpy in jackets like that, you need shorter jackets..."

  4. "I used to know this girl last year...I fancied her like mad but she was way out of my league...way way way out of my league in fact..." (so she was too good for him but I'm not?)

  5. "My mate said "I didnt know you had kids" so I said "I dont, they're packaged with the girlfriend.." " (him telling me about a conversation he had with a mate about MY kids).

  6. "I cant believe you actually 'planned' to have kids that young"

  7. "some of us have to work for a living" (a sly dig at me currently not working).

apart from these few examples he is constantly going on about teen parents (I had my son at 17 and dont believe he 'forgets'), he is constantly going on about single parents on benefits (knowing I am one), and constantly goes on about my parenting (thats a whole new post!).

Evertime we argue he goes on about the money he spends on us as if that should make up for everything else.

Am I being overly sensitive?? are the comments above all bad? not bad at all or bad in parts? lol

Looking forward to more views on this.

OP posts:
waterfalls · 07/04/2006 22:01

In fact he sounds just like Charlie Stubbs, from corrie.

chipmonkey · 07/04/2006 22:38

Jools said that already waterfallsGrin

chipmonkey · 07/04/2006 22:38

forgot to add, Dump him!

Socci · 07/04/2006 22:46

Apart from that he's great though, right?(!)

Tell him to sling his hook, I'm sure you could do a lot better!

monkeytrousers · 07/04/2006 22:50

I'm confused..

moondog · 07/04/2006 22:54

MT,sorry for hijack but where is that thread you started following from WWW's 6 week one???

DG,he's an arse.
Tell him to eff off.

monkeytrousers · 07/04/2006 23:01

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2350&threadid=162408\here it is!}

ItalianJob · 07/04/2006 23:04

why are you going out with him? would you want your children/best friend to be with a partner who treats them like this? you don't need our permission to dump him! you need to value yourself more. if you think the way he's treating you and the kids isn't right, then that's a good enough reason to dump him.

Nightynight · 07/04/2006 23:06

dextersgirl -
why is he saying these things? they are not what a person says to someone they love.

scoobytwo · 08/04/2006 10:03

you have several threads about your b.f all not good why on earth do you even bother with him,you dont have to you know

4blue1pink · 08/04/2006 10:08

He does not sound worth it to me!

Pinotmum · 08/04/2006 11:06

OK so he's an insecure eejit with low self worth and in order to make himself feel better he's ripping your confidence down. I think your children need a better role model that that and you need a better partner that that. When he's gone, er that's after youv'e told him to piss off you will be so angry that you let this go on thinking you were over-reacting. Remember this is how he works. I had a partner like this and I could do him real harm now if he ever darkened my door. Tell him he's draining your energy so can he piss off quietly as his usefullness has ceased. He can say what he likes let it go over your head. Give it 6 months are you'll wonder how you ever gave him space - good luck!

tigermoth · 08/04/2006 11:44

Are his actions in direct contrast to his words? Is he loving to you, on the level and very public about how much you mean to him?

Some people have a very funny sense of humour and no tact unfortunatley. Only you know if the phrases here are said with real malice. If so, dump him.

I have had male friends in the past who would say the most atrocious things to me, but they were also really good mates, very loyal, really and truly supported me and assumed I could take it. Mind you they were usually friends not boy frineds. But TBH it was usually the more honey lipped boy friends of mine who were the nasty, disloyal ones.

maturer · 08/04/2006 13:34

can you name anything positive you get out of the relationship with this man?- judging by this and your other threads he's just a habit (and a bad one at that) you deserve better, you do not have to put up with this he doesn't even live with you and isn't the father of your jids so take control and stop moaning- you are in charge of your life no one else!

jellyjelly · 22/04/2006 09:10

They are awful comments and would not expect to hear them in a loving committed relationship at all.

It sounds like he puts you down to big himself up to feel better or to feel apprecaited.

red37 · 22/04/2006 09:28

That's awfulShock he would be out with yesterdays rubbish with my foot up his arse!

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