Im meeting her for coffee tomorrow, and I can't take another hour exchanging meaningless pleasantries and empty chit chat! So I'd be grateful for any views and advice on what to do.
My friend, let's call her Jane for that is her name, is the same age as me (late 20s), we've known each other for 10 years. We were quite close initially, I spent the occasional weekend at her house (my family too far away to reciprocate).
Kept in touch while we were at uni at opposite ends of the country, I visited her a few times, she never visited me. After my degree I moved to her town, mostly because of her, but also for work reasons. We met up regularly with our OHs until I got pregnant and couldn't leave the house due to Hyperemesis. She visited once during my pregnancy, and then again when baby was born.
A year later I separated from my husband and she was very supportive, coming to my house at midnight after I asked him to leave, and every day for an hour or so for about a week. So she was very supportive. But after a few months of meeting up regularly she seemed to get annoyed or bored whenever I talked about things I struggled with, at one point she even said 'I don't know what to say...' in a kind of 'oh well, nevermind' kind of way. I'd understand this if I only talked about how hard my life was, but I made a conscious effort not to become that person and made a point of asking about her stuff, offering support when she seemed down.
She seemed to prefer not sharing much of what was going on in her life, and still never lets on when something is difficult or really bothering her. Sometimes she might drop a tiny hint when everything is resolved already.
This all seems to indicate to me that she wants to wind our relationship down, and that's fine. But I'm confused because she still keeps giving me birthday and Christmas gifts for DD, exH and me, and she asks if I want to meet for coffee every couple of weeks, and keeps saying 'oh, you'll all have to come round to our house soon' etc.
We work in the same office, and at the moment she only says hello and barely ever stops by my desk for a chat. When I go to her desk to ask a question or whatever, she's friendly.
So, perspectives please. What's going on here?! Are we just done? Should I say no to coffee from now on?
Is it ever ok to ask her what's going on, or could that only go wrong?
(Just for full background info, she is occasionally quite patronising, and I generally feel quite inadequate next to her as in the last 2-3 years she seems to have been on a self-improvement mission - steadily losing weight, carefully put together outfits, more and more expensive clothes, whereas I first became a mum, and then a single mum, so you can imagine how I feel about myself.)