"Stop Signs: Recognising, Avoiding and Escaping Abusive Relationships" new book

[janelikesjam]

I just wanted to recommend this book by Lynn Fairweather. Its a relatively new book, published 2012, and for me anyway the best book I have read on this subject. She has worked for many years in this field, and it shows. It is especially good on how to escape an abusive relationship, very clear and intelligent about how to do this to ensure highest safety for the woman.

I was reminded of the book whilst watching "Living with my Stalker" last night on TV. It was an incredibly scary programme about a young doctor who developed a relationship with a man she met dating online who turned out to be a narcissistic psycopath, and how it turned her and her family's life upside down. I remember reading this book earlier on in the year and just wanted to recommend it really.

I must have a look at that on amazon. Long time ago now and I'm over it but I had a relationship with a controlling abusive nutter and I hope that my dd would never have the poor judgement or low self esteem to go down that path herself... Is it the kind of book a teenage girl could read?

I read it at the library earlier this year (though have just ordered it myself from Amazon). Because it is a new book, I don't think its really had the publicity it might have done. From memory I can say it was very straight-forward, clear-thinking and to the point. In short I thought it was excellent. What I was most impressed by was the excellent highly practical and organisational ideas to withdraw or leave a relationship e.g. the most dangerous time with an abusive man is shortly after you have left him and this decreases over time; how to take measures to minimise this danger, and so forth.

In its Amazon blurb it does say that it also points out good signs to look for in a relationship, which might be more positively useful for your daughter, though I confess I don't really remember this part clearly.

However, the withdrawing/escaping part might be too frightening/alarming for your DD (though it is what thousands of women have to consider when getting away from someone who is abusive, as the Stalker TV programme I saw last night indicated).

I think it would probably better giving it a read yourself before deciding whether or not it would be helpful for your DD.

Janelikesjam many thanks, I will look out for that.

Mu1berries, see what you think of 'But He Says He Loves Me' by by Dina McMillan.

If you google the title with the word 'scribd' included you can see a preview of it online.
It's quite short, and strange to read at first because every other page is 'The Abuser's Handbook', a kind of companion book which brings home the manipulative nature of an abuser. It's not easy to explain, better if you see it.

To my eyes it looked helpful for all women, but especially those who are less experienced. Worth a look.

thanks ladywordy. will have a look at 'but he says he loves me'.

Janelikesjam, yes, I don't want to alarm her! I just want her to have a very clear idea about what love is and what abuse is

It does deal with broader issues, but yes it does also focus at the end on how to escape more dangerous men, including how to leave safely and removing opportunity for contact, and ultimately even changing your name and identity if necessary - something I have never seen written about fully elsewhere. Forewarned is forearmed as they say.

But from the sound of the title "He Says He Loves Me" sounds like it could be more appropriate for your teenage daughter or even just a general talk/personal guidance from you?

Because of my own experience I have a certain sensitivity to this subject. I sometimes need to be reminded that there are many more neutral and even wonderful men out there.