Sorry in advance if this is long but I could really do with some help right now
Dh and I are married 7 years and together 12 and have 2 dc one 5 and one only turned 3. We met young he is the love of my life and I have always adored him. I work part time after Dc as could not afford full time child care. But have degree and always wanted a career. Dh works very hard and always has for our family and earns a good enough wage.
Here are the issues he started a new job, which he was headhunted for over a year ago. Works in finance, he began working closely with a female work colleague who is going though a divorce and also has 2 young Dc who she takes only at weekends. The job was the issue in their marriage. Dh is off on leave as he had so much to carry over as he is never off, works late most nights to 10pm is rarely home for bed time etc. he and work college travelled together yesterday and had 4 hours together on a train but he still needed to speak to her for over an hour last night at 9pm about a work deadline and today on his day off he spoke to her again about work ( I was not there to hear conversation only know from seeing phone)tonight again for half an hour even though he is off on leave.
He has spoken to her late at night other times too, and then txt after thanks for our little chat.
He goes out on work events at least once a month last week on a wed night didn't come home to 5.30 am and had to be up at 7 for work, as did I. He does this almost every time he goes out.
He took me to a work ball in June I was nervous to meet the work colleagues we booked into a hotel to make it special. We both had too much to drink he took me back to the hotel and put mevto bed and left me there and went out to a male work colleges house and did not come back to 9am I was very hurt and embarrassed about this.
He tells me in jealous of his job and success and its my fault I'm insecure. I have never been insecure in my life. He was at a work event a few weeks back and it was another very late night, the next day a female client he only met that night txt his phone asking if he had any weekend plans. There were 2 other messages but they were deleted as I could see ( it's an iPhone) he said the reason for this is that they were about his boss and it was a work phone.
I can't help feeling jealous and I secure all the time, I have never felt this low.
We are going to counseling because of these issues and he told the counsellor the night before the 5.30 am night he would be home at a reasonable hour in order to build back my trust in him, and the next night he was out to 5.30 am. promised the next day that he would even go to xmas do next week, as he knew he had no control and didnt know when to stop. Then today has said he has to go, will be the only one not there.
He tells me this is his job and I just have to deal with it, and it's my weakness if I can't. But I really can't if it was one issue like the close relationship with the female work college I could maybe but not everything. Our dc love him he's a great dad, but I feel like shit wondering and worrying all the time who he is with etc, I don't want to be this person anymore. Please help