I argued (again) with my OH weekend before last, I walked out and when I came back he'd gone (he had said he would as I walked out).
Its lead me to doubt the core of our relationship and whether he actually makes me happy.
The row was over housework (me doing it with a face like thunder cos he hadn't done it and stomping around to prove a point), not wanting to spend time with him (I HAD to get to the supermarket to get a few bits even though he'd just got up from nights) and various other trivial things really - same old shit - things we always row about (I mean once a month/once every 2 months)
I can't handle arguing very well, I get defensive cos its always my fault and I end up shouting and getting angry.
Last wednesday we met for a chat and he agreed to come to relate with me. I exaplined I didn't feel I was getting what I want/need from the relationship (respect/comunication/caring etc) along with the practical stuff and his awful attitude to money. He said I'll never find someone to make me happy and meet my needs and if he did make an effort he'd end up in the same place in a few months cos I'd have moved the goal posts.
He agreed to come to relate.
He's been living at his parents since the weekend before last, last saturday was our boy's first birthday - we eventually agreed to share the day at home with family and put US aside for him - which kinda worked when we had a houseful but didn't when it ws just me and him :( I got told I wasn't making him feel like I wanted him back, etc, etc..
Sunday I sent him an email suggesting ways to improve the practicalities of living together - and hopefully then we'd have a chance to spend proper time together and value each other more - he basically said if we split the housework/childcare evenly then i'd realise what he does do and I'd end up doing more. Hes not sure if he loves me and he's not sure if he wants to try and make it work.
Monday I get a text saying he loves me - I don't say the same back.
Tonight we talk and I just really don't know what I want.
Don't get me wrong it isn't all bad, some of it is good - but i just don't think I love him (at the moment) and all I hear now is all the negative things he says to me during an argument/generally
we've been together nearly 4 years.
we are going to see relate on saturday morning, we are meeting to talk on friday night.
i just don't know what to think/feel/do
or how to decide what i want, i can't leave him dangling on a string indefinitely.