Found pics of DP's ex

[BedsocksarenotsexybutIlovethem]

Been with DP for 4 years and we are happy and very much in love. He was in a relationship before me which she ended after a year and it left him heart broken. So much so that he has never told me anything about her.

Today I was on his laptop looking for some pics I wanted copies of. They are all in random folders so clicked on one and there were a few pics of him and his ex. They looked really happy together.

I don't know why but I now feel a bit weird about it and really sad that she hurt this lovely man so much. Maybe it was just because I can now put a face to her but I don't even know what her name is.

He doesn't know that I have seen them and I wasn't snooping and he knows I was on his laptop. It just makes me feel odd that he was so hurt by someone that he hasn't even shown me pics of her.

It would be incredibly bad form to flash about pictures of an old flame to a new partner. He's managed to put her in the past so let sleeping dogs lie.

maybe she hurt him so bad that he cant talk about her. maybe he forgot to delete them or even forgot they were on there. if he is such a nice guy and your really bothard by the pics just ask him. i know my partner doesnt like talking about his exs. but i know one or two of them hurt him and seeing pictures of them would make me feel sick and i would feel weird for knowing there faces i wouldnt want to know what a woman who hurt my partner so much looks like.

I came across pics of DHs ex when we were sorting through old photos once, they are still in the house i think. She's gorgeous too - all sleekness and long legs and blond, while I'm a short frizzy brunette. I think she broke his heart too, although he has only talked about her in vague terms.
I understand feeling a bit odd but wouldn't it be odder if he sat you down and showed you them? I wouldn't worry about it. It's part of his past, why should it be deleted?

Sorry you are feeling weird about it, I kind of know what you mean but I think its odd that your current partner cannot even discuss or bear to mention his ex in passing. I suppose if they only dated for a year, its not that long really.

In my experience at least, I'd have likely got their ex-partner's name by now (and vice versa), even if it was a tricky subject we didn't want to be reminded about. Don't mean that we would dwell on it but think it would have come up naturally in conversation at some point.

It is a shame that your partner was so hurt by her but no-one likes being dumped. You say you are both really happy and very much in love so I wouldn't give this woman another thought. Life is too short to dwell on the murky past (easier said than done, I know).

I can understand why he hasn't shown me the pics and it doesn't bother me that he has them. I think it has just made me feel weird because before she was a nobody and now I know what she looks like. Also first time I've seen pics of him with another woman. Most strange!

I wouldn't dwell on it. I have pictures of an x I can't stand on my computer too. He's my children's father and I wasted 8 years with him. I could delete the photos, but it still happened. My mum was clearing out recently and gave me a photo of a boyfriend from when I was 22! i didn't throw that out either. I can't believe I was ever so young. Ididn't put it away safely though so goodness knows where it is now actually.

Well... normally when we're talking about "red flags" in relationships, a partner going on and on about their ex, whether idolising or slagging them off, is one of the biggest and reddest! So if this guy is not going on and on about it, it's quite a good sign. Assuming he's not still brooding, which you would kind of notice after 4+ years, he's just compartmentalised that bit of his life - yeah, it hurt, but it's in the past - and that sounds healthy enough.

I had to ask my then DP (now DH) to remove the pics of his ExW from the screen saver photo album as I struggled with her face flashing across the computer screen at me! In DHs defence, they got divorced 20 years ago and are still friends he wanted her to attend our wedding (they don't have children) but I, not unreasonably, said I didn't think this was a good idea.

DH has masses of photos and as his social circle has been stable for 20 odd years there are tons of pics with his ExW in them. I used to really flagellate myself by looking through them and imagining how much happier he was with her than he is with me (which is utter bollocks, they were married for under a year before they divorced) but I've gradually got more secure and stopped looking! I'm still glad the screen saver got changed though...