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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So frustrated with my friend.

4 replies

PinkPeanuts · 27/11/2012 17:53

I'm not beig mean, it is frustration out of love and worry. I had a conversation with her mum today where she disclosed that my friends relationship has become abusive, physically and emotionally.

The things she told me were disgusting. Some of it she witnessed first hand, some of it my friend told her. He hit her "for the first time" last week, she forgave him as "he as only hit her once". I don't understand why she is taking this from him, although I'm aware of how simplistic that sounds, I know its not easy to walk away from an abusive relationship (I have had to do the same myself) but I so wish she could just find it in her to cut him loose.

I knew she was unhappy, we have talked about things, but she didn't mention the abuse. Previous conversations suggest to me that she knows the relationship isnt working but she makes all of the classic excuses. Her mother wants her to walk away from him but is frightened that if she says too much, she will push her further to him. There are children involved too.

I guess wht I'm asking is, is there anything I can do to help her without actually letting on that I know? Her mother begged me not to tell her we spoke, she only told me because she has been carrying they burden and was at breaking point herself. He has managed to alienate her from all of her other friends but its different with me as we lost contact for a few years so he's only just met me recently. In retrospect, he did try to cause a "he said, she said" type of arguement between us but I didn't see it for what it was until today.

How do I get her tell me what's going on so that I an help her somehow? I am devasted for her Sad

OP posts:
Seabright · 27/11/2012 20:00

Keep in touch with her, a lot. Just ring for a chat, drop round, whatever. Don't let him isolate her.

As soon as you see/hear anything for yourself, talk to her about it.

And maybe get your spare room ready? Be patient though. She'll probably put up with this for a while.

Brodicea · 27/11/2012 20:05

Can you sneakily, and safely get her some information about Refuge?

EclecticWorkInProgress · 27/11/2012 22:03

Does she know about MN? You can talk about other subjects here and casually mention the relationships thread...like this one.

EclecticWorkInProgress · 27/11/2012 22:05

I don't know why that link came up blank, but it was the "Right, Listen Up Everyone" thread by Reality. I bumped it for you.

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