What are the secrets of a happy relationship?

[monkeytrousers]

Going through a slump so any tips greatly appreciated!

I'm so gone then as I never ever make an effort with my appearance unless we're going somewhere!

dublindee, perhaps you don't have to make an effort:)

Fairymum - bless you, bless you, bless you for being so lovely!!

But unfortunately I do!

only ever mutter "you frickin IDIOT" under your breath when facing a wall in a different room

It's good to let off steam

These are very good. I think I will ask him to read them. Do you think?

For me, friendship and companionship. To LIKE him as a person and WANT to spend time with him above all others, even if it is just to natter about frivolities. Shared experiences (esp raising children), shared laughter, shared future.

But it's natural sometimes to not be able to stand the sight of them, isn't it? Not for too long though..

no don't ask him to read them, men have entirely different brains and will not concede to any ammendment or righteous behaviour unless they believe it was their original idea

Oh yes, mt, have my moments of pure sulphur. But I guess I was referring to the overall way both parties view the relationship. Like if you look back on your childhood, you have a impression whether it was generally a happy or sad one.

Oh yes! Love and hate remember! One of the secrets to a good relationship is to to allow those feelings sometimes (both in yourself and your partner) without thinking it's the end of you. Occasioanlly we go through rough patches which can last for months(!), but we know we love eachother and its just one of those things.

And I sometimes think the secret is not to have children. At least not those who wake at night....he he

Oh, very clever Suz. Just in case you're right I'll get him to read that one first

my dp's dad has always said 'if you don't fight you don't love each other' and he's dead right. the trick is not to let it simmer, just clear the air with a good blow out now and again and have some great sex to make up!

Ambivalence. Living with the enemy. Saying sorry or sulking and taking the moral highground.

LIKING each other. Friend or foe? Inherant areas of insecurity and security within the two individuals.Ummm.... behaviour patterns which make or break over time.

Sharing the same values? Why do we like somebody?

Yes agreed Harpsicord and Moondog, saying sorry for things and thankyou and letting the balance of power shift is a brilliant ide. Thanks |Moondog i have never thought of that before, think the power thing is an issue here. Will try harder at that one too.

Issyfit , I like your ideas.

I think just keep a real check on your own behaviour. Don't overstep the boundaries of repect and politeness towards him that you decide on for yourself (whatever he says or does).

Don't complain about anything he does that you do yourself. This can be surprisingly hard to live up to. If I've avoided turning into a nagging old shrew (and I think I have) it's mainly through keeping that in mind.