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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend will not forgive me and I don't know how to get over it.

33 replies

iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/11/2012 13:04

Eight months ago I was in a very dark place as I realised I had made a big mistake with my relationship and decided to leave it - I acted really badly and I was generally a bit messed up. I was highly stressed and drinking a lot to get through it and in a moment of madness I text a friend I have known for 12 years a horrible message.

There was lots of factors as to why I did this. The man I was leaving is her friend and had turned to her after I had announced I was leaving him. I felt like she was on his side. As I felt everyone was on his side! I thought she was interfering etc. Some wires were crossed and I was told by someone else that she had told him a secret. But also I was angry because he hadn't bothered with her or spoken to her the entire time we were together and she was so angry with him - yet the second I left him she was by his side like nothing had happened. Lots of petty reasons. But mainly because I just think I snapped and she happened to have text me at that moment so got it in the neck.

I apologised moments afterwards realising my mistake. And she would not accept it. She never spoke to me again. I have apologised via text, facebook, email etc and even tried to get friends to speak to her but she just won't reply. A mutual friend spoke to her about it and fed back to me that she is 'done' - as in, not interested, just done.

My question is how do I get over this? It's 8 months later and I have moved on. My life is full, I have a baby on the way, a new partner and am in a new town (I left the old one to make it easier on ex and me). I should be able to just brush this off - but I can't get over it and I find I still have horrid nightmares about it even now.

I mean what else can I do? I have apologised multiple times. I don't know how to just let.it.go.

OP posts:
iamwhaticallpregnant · 27/11/2012 19:28

I only mentioned it because another poster asked the Q - but in my original post i didnt mention it at all. What he does or she does is none of my business - agreed.

OP posts:
olgaga · 27/11/2012 22:01

iamwhat I hope that doesn't bring you down! I think your problem is that you're seeing far too much "from the other side". Don't let it worry you. Get on and enjoy your pregnancy and allow yourself to be free from this anxiety.

It's a "blip"! You'll soon have bigger, better things to worry about!

joro1 · 02/08/2019 22:32

Hi, I don't know if you'll see this as it's a really old thread. I just wanted to thank you so much for posting this. I upset someone without intending or wanting to and the person never wants to see me again. I felt like I was the only person in the world that stays upset about things for months. It makes me cry 8 months on and the other person who I don't even know all that well probably doesn't even care or has forgotten about it. It was so nice and such a relief to feel that I'm not alone with this. I apologised once in person and by email and am scared to try again incase it doesn't work out. Anyway, thank you for sharing, it's really helped me Jo x

BumbleBeee69 · 02/08/2019 22:47

Fuck her OP, lets be honest, she was never 'your' friend.. She was HIS friend, and if you read her behaviour and his, she was absolutely jealous of your relationship. You realised he was a dick and you've eventually moved on and so he went scurrying back to her side, because he knew she would be there to mop his heart broken brow, Screw the both of them. Stop giving them the power to make you feel shit, take back control, you said Sorry that is the end of it for you, and as I said.. FUCK THEM, and DO NOT Apologise ever again. Good luck with Baby OP. Flowers

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 02/08/2019 23:01

Maybe she thinks you are ridiculously melodramatic and is staying away from it. A tidal wave of apologies? I would be keeping my distance. Let it go.

category12 · 02/08/2019 23:12

You seem really confused - she was a friend, but you never really liked her? That's not a definition of friendship that I recognise, and if that was the case, she evidently felt the same. It was probably a relief to her to be able to stop pretending. Why would she want to resume the pretence?

mcmooberry · 03/08/2019 16:58

She sounds awful, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and forget her. As you already realise, it's the rejection that bothers you more than the friendship, she's no great loss. Good luck! x

MsPavlichenko · 03/08/2019 18:24

It is a fact of life that not everyone will like you. And that you can't make them no matter what you do or say. And the same ba ck of course. Life is much easier once we've got our heads around that.

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