Eight months ago I was in a very dark place as I realised I had made a big mistake with my relationship and decided to leave it - I acted really badly and I was generally a bit messed up. I was highly stressed and drinking a lot to get through it and in a moment of madness I text a friend I have known for 12 years a horrible message.
There was lots of factors as to why I did this. The man I was leaving is her friend and had turned to her after I had announced I was leaving him. I felt like she was on his side. As I felt everyone was on his side! I thought she was interfering etc. Some wires were crossed and I was told by someone else that she had told him a secret. But also I was angry because he hadn't bothered with her or spoken to her the entire time we were together and she was so angry with him - yet the second I left him she was by his side like nothing had happened. Lots of petty reasons. But mainly because I just think I snapped and she happened to have text me at that moment so got it in the neck.
I apologised moments afterwards realising my mistake. And she would not accept it. She never spoke to me again. I have apologised via text, facebook, email etc and even tried to get friends to speak to her but she just won't reply. A mutual friend spoke to her about it and fed back to me that she is 'done' - as in, not interested, just done.
My question is how do I get over this? It's 8 months later and I have moved on. My life is full, I have a baby on the way, a new partner and am in a new town (I left the old one to make it easier on ex and me). I should be able to just brush this off - but I can't get over it and I find I still have horrid nightmares about it even now.
I mean what else can I do? I have apologised multiple times. I don't know how to just let.it.go.