Think its over need hand holding.

[A1980]

I can't believe I'm writing this. it's so painfully sad and ridiculous a situation.
Met a great man 9 months ago. he had his fair share if problems and I tried to be there. He got more and.more.distant. I never knew where I stood. I started going days without a phone call and I began to.get.insecure. I started getting angry and.lashing out. Ihad tried to give him space, reach out and talk and nothing worked.
We are probably going to split up and I am devastated to find out that all along we loved each other deeply but didn't say it due to hurt from past relationships.
So it's unfixable by the look of it. I want to patch it up I don't think he does. so I think tonight I will lose the only man I ever loved who also loved me but we didn't know.
Oh god how do I get over this.

A1980 come on listen yo yourself. You are coming across as desperate.

The guy asks for a break A BREAK meaning. To bring or come to an end

Give him the space he has asked for

If you love someone let them go, if they come back to you they are yours, if not it was never meant to be.

You need to be strong OP and look after yourself.

I don't know what i want to do about contact.

I think that as communicating was the trouble in the first place, breaking it completely only makes it worse.

But I don't know what to do as we didn't define it.

The difficulty is I don't think he knows how he feels. I asked him how he felt when he looked at me and he said wonderful and said breaking up could be the bigest mistake he ever makes......

I think he's so in turmoil that he needs space. he said he will feel so much better when he knows where he is going job wise etc.

I know Doha, I am desperate and that is the problem.

I don't see the problem in admitting (to you guys and family) that I am desperate. Sometimes this be strong be strong stuff is too much. I am hurting and acknowledging it. I don't really know what to do, so I'll leave well alone for now

Op you need to start owning your own stuff.

You need to realise that what you're feeling has nothing much to do with this man.

The desperation, the inability to function, the obsessing, these are all your feelings. This man has simply provided a hook to hang them on.

With respect, no matter what he says, this man doesn't want you. Think about how you feel when you want someone. You want to be with them right? No matter your personal circumstances. You don't want a 'break' or to end the relationship, you want to be with them as much as possible. The same goes for him. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He has tried to break up with you, you are hanging on, he doesn't want to hurt you too badly, so he is being a coward and not making a clean break. You need to provide yourself with that closure.

Love doesn't send you running to the GP op. Please act in your own best interests. Take care.

There are so many variables though:

He was 34 when he had his first girlfriend and at 8 months I am the longest relationship he has ever had. he doesn't know what he is doing and doesn't understand that people fight, it shouldn't send you running for the hills.

He's just not that into you and l am sorry but until you start to see that you are going to continue going round in circles trying to explain and rationalize his actions.

IF he wanted to be with you -no matter what he is feeling about work etc -he would want you by his side. He has asked for a break and to be honest you have not respected his wishes.

Work on your self OP try and see why you are so desperate for this sort lived relationship to work when he so clearly doesn't

You want to save this guy don't you? And so you need to realise that the very great majority of people who need 'saving' don't actually want to be saved. And you cannot save him to make him love you - you do know that right? Your thinking on this whole thing seems to me to be a bit unhealthy.

OP you should be running away from this loser so fast you'd give Usian Bolt a run for his money.

This guy has project written all over him.

OP... this will hurt and I'm sorry but:

How will you feel when this man meets somebody that he truly does have deep feelings for? All of these things you say that are confusing him and stopping him moving forward with you aren't true and you're sad because, deep down, you know that they aren't.

As soon as he meets somebody he really wants to be with, he will run to them and leave you in his dust. That's the reality. He doesn't want to be with you - if he did, you'd know about it.

You can post here safely and people will commiserate with you but hopefully, as you've seen from the posts already, they will not encourage you to carry on damaging your self esteem by running after this man.

Stop and think - and take some time to look at this from an outsider's perspective. What would be your advice?

I know.

I held out on the no contact and he just texted me calling me by his special loving nickname for me telling me how he is and asking how I am. WTF

I haven't replied.

Oh OP, I know it must be so painful, but he sounds like an emotional vampire who will only serve to bring your self esteem down.

Don't reply to the text, you are worth so much more than this.

He isn't the man/partner you want him to be or need him to be.

So i shouldn't take it as any kind of sign he's serious it's just a break?

OP, from the voice of bitter experience don't read the meagre crumbs that he throws at you as any sign that he cares. Don't analyse his texts, you will make yourself so ill.

Let him go, cut him free. You will feel like a weight has been lifted once you do.

:-( I know this isn't what you what to hear, but by letting go now you will save yoursef so much heartache xx

Aww A1980, how many more signals do you need? Will you listen to any of them? He's not serious. He pushed you into a corner, you didn't want the break at all - he does. You've been manoeuvred into it and you know that. You're trying to justify it to yourself as something that was 'mutual' when it wasn't. You deserve better than what you're dishing out to yourself.

This man will hurt you for as long as you give him the power to do that. You don't have a relationship with him because one person cannot keep a couple going. I think you might regret prostrating yourself with grief over somebody unworthy of you when you eventually wake up to yourself.

I don't know how you're going to get there at the moment, not without an intervention. This thread is almost bad for you as it's keeping it alive and painful as it is, it's better than being ignored, right? What you feel is at least being acknowledged here, by strangers, when the person who is supposed to be close to you refuses to acknowledge you at all.

I really feel for you. I had a boyfriend who behaved like this. I was strung out for a couple of years whilst I was with him and it was a horrible time. The best times (very few) couldn't hold a candle to the sheer desperation and darkness I felt at being 'puppeteered' by him. Your 'boyfriend' is doing the same to you. Please don't let him.

The best thing you could do right now is to walk away, refuse anymore contact - tell him a 'break means a break' and YOU need one. No more contact. See if he comes running in six months... he won't - and he won't give you the time you've asked for either, he can't because then he wouldn't be able to manipulate you and that's his 'thing'.

If you have a friend that you trust in RL, tell them what's going on and let them advise you. This man deserves not a minute more of your time, not a single second even.

Should I go back on another dating site.

No. Sort yourself out first.

I answered the text.... why not I'm desperate.

Sorting myself out with valium to get through the day and sleeping tablets to get to sleep at nihgt.

I got another text from him yesterday calling me gorgeous and updating me on his health, again...... Still talking to me as if I am his girlfriend. What on earth is going on?