when your ex has a blessed life ...

[Beograde]

I'm sitting here in the wet UK, and I get an email from my ex, who has just had a Thanksgiving holiday where he went hiking for a few days. Now he's travelling down to San Francisco with a stop off on the way for some skiiing in Sierra Nevada, then going down to the tip of California for a two week break. He's an academic so the year has practically ended for him. I know I shouldn't feel jealous, but he just seems to lead a perfect life. How do I put this behind me?

can't you be happy for him?

I don't wish him ill - it's a struggle to be happy for him though right now.

chin up love, everything can change in an instant for any one of us .

I just thought I'd update this - I just got an email from my ex, saying how much "heartache and trouble" he has - FGS!!!

Time for that spam folder. Why should YOU hear that?! The bloody nerve!

That's exactly what I thought - don't tell me everything's fantastic, and then a few days later say you're unhappy. He even said "it might have been better to stay with me"

You seriously need to block his emails and/or tell him to stop sending them.

You can move forward once he stops leaning on you.

Your life sounds exciting, I only get to travel up and down the A12!!

Well too bad that he thinks that now, Beo, because you wouldn't have him back if his arse was stuffed with gold ... would you?

Now, email him "You've made your bed, you can't come back, I don't want to hear from you for at least 12 months and even then you can send me a cheery Christmas card this time next year, at most. Have a nice life, good luck, and goodbye. I will not respond to further communications from you."

And move on.

You know that reading his crap is dragging you back. Why do it?

straight question if you dont want this why do you read his emails
i think perhaps you like the drama and want him back,its bit fatalistic
if you seriously dont care set your email filter to delete or block his emails

Beograde - He sounds as though he can only be in a relationship with someone with whom he is not really in a relationship. Breaks up with ex, why? Because he wasn't in the relationship properly maybe? Has relationship with you, resumes relationship with ex, emails you, etc. He's a classic commitmentphobe and a real bore. You deserve better.

He's keeping you warm just in case he changes his mind and "gives you another chance". I wonder why his GF was depressed ? Living with him maybe??

Definitely block him, delete and move on. You deserve to be someone's first choice not reheated left overs.

unless of course she like the drama and the am i his true love,and secret emails

Thanks, I am genuinely trying to do the right thing here, and have no plans to get back with him. It's difficult to not read an email if someone sends you one as we met in a professional context - I don't want to block all emails in case there's something I actually need for work in it.

Of course there's a little bit of me that still has feelings for the ex, and I can't deny that, but I don't think I'm a drama queen holding out for him to come back to me. I was out on a date on Saturday night, so I'm at least trying to move on!!

I'm just updating this - for no particular reason other than it can help to write it down.

While I was away, I did write to him to ask why he was unhappy, and I said to him that he had to stop writing in such a way. He admitted he was unhappy with his job, he said he was still unhappy with his ex, but his opinion of our relationship hadn't changed. He kept on using "yet" and "at this stage". I picked him up on it, and said he had to stop that. He said it was a subconscious reflection of inability to decide anything. I think he is trying to keep me warm. I told him that I'd got close to someone else (which is true, but I'm not sure in a relationship way) and that he just has to leave me alone. I feel sorry for him, which is probably the wrong reaction, but I think he's a terrible mess really, although he projects such a confident image.

I feel a little sorry for his partner, as he was still writing to me, and telling me he's unhappy with her.

Forget about him. Think about you.

why do you persist in having dialogue with him
you know he's probably stringing you along all the angst,sensitive bs
but by maintaing contact you keep this going too. why?

I have ended the dialogue with him. I know he's stringing me along

Just block him. You don't have any need to be in contact with him, you owe him nothing. He's quite probably one of these men who deliberately throws crumbs to all his XGFs because he gets off on the idea that they are all pining for his wonderfulness. If he's ego-trippy enough to get in touch and go, 'Why are you blocking me?' say 'I wish you well but I've moved on, there's no need to stay in touch.'

In a way, I just wanted to vent and update - just about two weeks ago, I met someone, and had a wonderful time with him, and I forgot about this ex - and then he wrote to me again - to tell me he was so busy he couldn't write to me and he went into a bragfest about how great everything was - and immediately set me back a bit, and I realised I had to get him out of my life. I did reply - do not contact me, we cannot be friends, your email will go to junk - I realised how poisonous he was

He replied he didn't live up to his values, but it was mainly due to circumstances (surely that's when values come into play)

Since then, I've gone out with the new chap and everything's going really well - so it's taken ages, but I've turned a corner