Is this an EA or just random historic friendship?

[MahoosiveBangers]

Hi I have name changed for this.

In the aftermath of my DH's exposed affair and we are trying to put things on an even keal.

My question is this. Ex boyf from donkeys ago - maybe 28 years or so. Randomly and ad hoc we have been in touch over the years via email and now FB.

Nothing venturing beyond the hi and how are you - sporadically over the years.

He's been in touch recently - last time was about a year ago. I enjoy our brief exchanges but nothing goes beyond the friendly and courteous if you see what I mean

But here is the crux. I find myself really lookIng forward and wanting to keep our recent contact going for longer than usual.

Arrrgh. I know this isn't real -just mild excitement. But could this develop into an EA I wonder. Yes. He is now single parent with his kids and step kids living with him.

This is escapism, isn't it? I should be polite and retreat into the background and focus on cheating bastard DH shouldn't I?

Actually I thunk you should dump the cheater and move on.

You do seem emotionally distanced already.

Do you think your H is worth it and are you sure he won't cheat again?

Hmmm. You don't seem to want to focus your romantic energies on your DH - you might just be looking for another way out.

It's not an EA, it's not really anything except a big plastic box marked 'Alternative Fantasy Life'. The ex-boyfriend isn't really that important here, he's just the person you are attaching your escapism to. He makes you feel young when you've been really worn down by your DH.

I don't see anything wrong with fantasizing but fgs don't leave for him. Make your decision about DH and DH alone. If you were to have an exit-affair you lose a lot of points with everyone (especially any DCs).

Wanting a revenge affair (of any type) is a pretty common reaction for a betrayed spouse. Recognise it for what it is. Then leave it alone.

And never communicate with your ex in a way you would not be totally happy for your DH to read/overhear/witness.

"I should be polite and retreat into the background and focus on cheating bastard DH shouldn't I?"

Why on earth do you feel obliged to focus on a cheating bastard? What everyone wants in a life-partner is someone honest, reliable, affectionate, faithful... in short, someone who makes you feel better about yourself. Looking forward to just a shred of excitement from an old flame is not escapism in the slightest. What is truly delusional is expecting an unfaithful husband to make you feel anything other than crap...