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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think I'm having second thoughts about my boyfriend :-(

34 replies

InterstateSally · 25/11/2012 11:02

Been together less than 6 months. At first I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread, couldn't get enough of him but now .... :-(

He's nothing specific that he's done. I just don't get excited about 'us' anymore. The spark has gone already. We rarely have sex and when we do it's predictable and dull. When he stays over here we just sit in front of the TV, lately he's just fallen asleep on me leaving me sat bored and frustrated that I could be getting on with other stuff rather than sat being a pillow for a 6ft, 41 year old man.

He has so many issues going on in his head. Still cut up about his divorce (2 years ago), scared stiff of upsetting his kids (15 and 17 year olds, therefore I can't meet them or mention 'us' on facebook incase they see it - although he tells me he did tell them about me and they were fine with it Hmm ) I can't talk to him through fear of him panicking and saying I'm pressuring him -

So we have arrived at this plateau - He stays here 3 nights a week, we watch tv and then we go to bed (to sleep!). We text the same shit back and forth every day (apart from sundays when I cease to exist as his children are there - no I'm not jealous or bitter, I just don't see why him having his teenagers means I have to be COMPLETELY ignored - I mean, it takes seconds to send a text). Yeah we go out and we do have a good time but the rest of it outweighs that.

He booked us flights for a holiday two weeks ago. For two weeks I've been trying to arrange a time when we can organise a hotel together - the night we were supposed to do it, he fell asleep all evening - two weeks later, it still hasn't been done. You know when you just wonder why you bother?

I keep telling myself "give it until Christmas" that will be the 6 month mark and if no improvement, end it but the thought of being like this until the new year depresses me.

If I talk to him, what do I say?? he gets so bloody defensive and jumpy I dread trying to talk to him about this kind of stuff. He normally just says "if thats how you feel, maybe we should break up?" - it's almost like he wants to break up but wants me to be the one to do it.

I'd say he was losing interest but if so - why has he arranged to spend Christmas day with me instead of with his family like he originally planned? why did he book us a holiday two weeks ago? why does he keep offering to do stuff for me like fix stuff in my house or pick me up from nights outs? Friday night he was outside in the freezing cold burying my beloved guinea pig!!

Is it him or me??

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/11/2012 20:32

Yes boxy for sure, all the hallmarks.

stuffitunderthebed · 25/11/2012 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wecanfixit · 26/11/2012 07:39

For your own sake PLEASE dump this guy he does not deserve you, I have so been there with my recent ex partner who would not introduce me to the family it was horrible, AND STRESSFUL, he made me feel great in the early days but that soon changed and he was lazy did not want to socialise, kept me away from his friends , god knows why I put up with him, supposed was flattered as I had not had that kind of attention in years, but trust me being out of it my life is busier and more FUN now I am single , and yea had a few offers to date but I am just enjoying being single and valuing my new friends old ones and new ones i have gained , please think about what you are NOT getting out of this relationship , good luck .

BerylStreep · 26/11/2012 08:45

It's early days - no need for a big explanation to him, just tell him it's not working out then move on.

I don't like the fact that if you raise stuff, he says 'why don't you break up then?' - Very controlling.

BigBoPeep · 26/11/2012 09:39

bin him - been with my husband 4yrs and we still spark, losing it after 6mo is rubbish!

musicalendorphins · 26/11/2012 10:12

Doesn't sound like you two are really meant to be. I wouldn't waste my time with him. I'm sorry but if he was really into you, it wouldn't be this way.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 26/11/2012 10:47

You know, Sally, that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same action over and over, and yet expect a different result?

I am referring here both to your incessant posting, and to each new day you spend with this man.

Stop posting the same question. Dump him. It's ok, you're allowed to not be satisfied with this relationship. And it's ok to be single. No, he won't improve: what you see is what you get.

Enjoy your friends, career, and active social life.

Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 01:14

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SerfTerf · 14/08/2017 01:19

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