New bloke is constantly "tired"

[InterstateSally]

He's 41. He has a nap almost every night after work, when he comes to my house he falls asleep on the sofa. We were supposed be going out early this morning and he didn't get up until 10.30. He's even too tired for sex most nights!!
It's starting to do my head in a bit. There is nothing medically wrong with him. He'll quite happily stay out until 1am to watch a band for example and sometimes it will get to midnight and ill say I'm going to bed and he will say he'll come up in a bit!
I just feel that a lit of our time together is wasted by him either being asleep or moaning that he's tired

Does he snore a lot? That might be key...

He sounds like a catch! I wouldn't bother tbh.

I knew someone who had sleep apnoea diagnosed. He was exhausted all the time and was always falling asleep during the day/tv watching or whatever. He was treated for it and it has completely changed his life quite seriously.

Other thing that springs to mind is being anaemic.

What does he do for a living, what are his hours?

He works 8 hours a day as a supervisor. He's not anaemic, his bloods are fine

Another vote here for sleep apnoea. Sounds like my DH when we first got together many years ago. It really used to piss me off!

His sleep patterns were completely disordered. Couldn't get up for work, (luckily had flexible working) frequently insomniac, would wake at the slightest disturbance, and would nod off during the day at odd times. Always tired. He used to avoid regular bedtimes with me because of his difficulties in falling asleep and staying asleep. We were together for 6 months before he actually stayed the night at my place!

No problems with sex drive back then - but it was very much 'carpe diem' - as and when the mood struck us!

He is much better now. Gave up smoking, lost weight, uses herbal sleeping tablets, has a proper bedtime routine.

@ bigbuttons

Could he be anaemic? Thyroid problems?

Both of these caused two of my friends to be exhausted all the time.

Diabetic.

I knew someone like this once and turned out he was a heroin addict.

Sorry, I left my ex 7 months ago. Been with him for 15 years or so. he was always frigging sleeping/ill. When I first met him he said he was recovering from ME. 'Fair enough' I thought.
As the years went on he still needed to go for an afternoon sleep. He has been diagnosed with very mild sleep apnoea.
But I'm afraid he is an abusive wanker with all sorts of crazy obsessive issues, so I am not very well disposed towards people who need to sleep all the time

My XH was like this. It was his way of avoiding engaging with people, responsibility, relationships. Couldn't possibly talk because he needed to sleep. Would do the dishes in the morning because he was tired (of course he was too busy then). Couldn't play with the kids because he needed a nap. Only had energy for things that he valued. Nothing for anyone else around him.
Funnily enough I don't think he does nap now I divorced him.

How long have you known him?

It does sound rather unpromising, especially as you say he's a new bloke, and it seems to be more than, say, one bad week.

But are you sure he has been to the doctors, and he's not just head-in-the-sand 'I'm fine'?

How long was he single before you got together?

Could his sleeping patterns reflect his previous single life? From your post I am imagining late night xbox sessions when he isn't with you etc.

I sometimes have to encourage my DH to "manage" his sleep/tiredness. If he needs a lie-in or nap, I'd rather he take it than be tired and grumpy.

Whatever it is, it doesn't sound like it is working for you....good luck with finding a soultion.

I'm a bit like this - had to nap when I got home from work, sleep 12 hours each night on the weekend. Always felt nervous about social events because I may not have had the energy.

I've discovered that I had adrenal fatigue, and also regularly eating starches put me to sleep. Now i've been on all sort of herbal supplements and have given up starches most of the time, and I have shedloads more energy.

And this would be the same boyfriend you're having second thoughts about? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/$thread.Topicoptname/1621183-Think-Im-having-second-thoughts-about-my-boyfriend

LTB and save our valuable time starting threads about him on this site.

thanks for flagging this up izzyizin

How many threads have you started about him now? Didn't you have an AIBU thread earlier today about putting a photo of the two of you on FB?

Second Izzy clearly it is not working LTB!

Here we go www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1621201-To-think-me-posting-a-pic-of-myself-and-boyfriend-on-Facebook-is-not-wrong

5 threads on this if you do an Advanced search.
I only looked for 3 days as well.

I'm not one for searching usernames normally, but another one

And another

You are coming across as a little desperate Sally.

x post with pepper

Wow, I see what you mean! OP you are obsessed with this man. It's not heathy. I suspect you are his bit on the side, from what I've read in your other threads.

I also think you are the other woman, you just don't realise it. Those three days he stays with you I would bet money on his other family thinking he is away on business. The not contacting him on weekends at all says it all really in my opinion.

I think you're the ow.
Even if you're not, it's not a great relationship is it??
Move in and find somebody else who you don't have to stress over quite so much
Good luck!