Breaking a contact order with an abusive ex. Please help

[babydonut]

Ok I'm a regular and I've name changed for this, but basically I've been through the court system with regards to dv and trying to protect my child.
I can't believe how the system can be so misogynistic and how domestic abuse is still seemingly addressed by some judges, I'm hoping not all :(

Anyway to cut a long story short, direct unsupervised contact has been ordered. Every breath in my body can't do this. Therefore I have not complied and am now being threatened with an enforcement order.

Please please wise words on this and if anyone has been through it x

How old is your dc? How often is contact scheduled to take place and does it include overnight stays? When was the contact order made and have you complied with it at any time?

Is there any reason to think he might be abusive to your dc during the contact? Or are you concerned that he will use the contact process to resume his abuse of you?

Thanks x
DC is 4 and has had very little contact with his dad since he was born as he his dad didn't live with us.
Yes overnight is on the contact schedule which is every other weekend.

I complied with supervised contact for 3 sessions a year a go but DC was getting so upset about the contact and it turns out ex was saying some pretty disturbing stuff to him. This was mininmised and dismissed horrendously in court and in any case ex refused to have any more sessions in a contact center as he 'was a man and shouldn't have to'

The order was made in August for direct unsupervised contact and no I haven't complied at all

I absolutely think he would be abusive to dc during contact and I also think this would be his way of punishing me for leaving.
It was agreed in court that if my account of the abuse was correct then there would be no direct contact but the judge said he wouldn't accept my account :(. I know how that must sound but it was as though he was completely relating to my ex's mindset in terms of his view of women and their worthlessness :(. Reading the judge's report and how it minimised and justified my ex's behaviour was heartbreaking.

He also said he 'didn't think I had lied but that I couldn't give a dispassionate account of what had happened' Tbh honest nothing I could actually say could describe what he put us through but anyway ....

Sad for you OP. Get in touch with Rights of Women:
www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/ their helpline is 020 7251 6577 Mondays between 11am-1pm, Tuesdays and Wednesdays between 2pm-4pm and 7pm-9pm, Thursdays between 7pm-9pm and Fridays between 12noon-2pm

Take a look at Maypole too:
www.maypole.org.uk/

Thanks so much for that olgaga, I'll look now x

I breached a court order earlier this year for similar reasons. The issue I was faced with when it went back to court was that I hadn't given unsupervised contact a chance, so my XP was able to argue that he hadn't been given the chance to prove that it could work. I was advised by my solicitor that I needed to be seen to be attempting to comply with the order, and then at least if any problems arose I would have grounds to go back to court and show that I'd done my best.

Do you have a solicitor? Were they any grounds to appeal the original order?

so sorry your having to go through this am in simalar situation myself am up in court next week to have an enforcement order served on me i have no intentions of complying so will probably end up doing community service eventually but if that what it takes to protect my ds and dd so be it good luck op and stay strong.

You need to have "reasonable excuse " and if judge thinks your excuse isn't reasonable then yes you could face community service.

Depends what the risks are as you see it as to contact and how it might impact on your son.

Also were there ndependenet witnesses to the abuse, police reports that kind of thing ? How does he present eg as a charmer or not ?

Is there anyone who would be able to report on contact eg relative or someone you know as to how your son is ? (tho that doesn't always work as people reluctant to comment get involved )

Thanks for sharing
Means so much to hear from others in a similar situation.

I appealed the judgement on which the order was based but it was refused with no real reasons given. It was such a farce. I didn't have a solicitor for this as I was no longer entitled to legal aid (as back at work) so did the appeal myself which ended up as an oral hearing at the high court. My old solicitor (who I'd had up until just before then) was very supportive and really thought the appeal would be accepted :(.

I still have the skeleton argument for appeal which I guess I will present as my reasons for not complying :(

addictedtolatte what will you say at court next week? x

cestlavielife
Yes I had independent witnesses and police reports. There were two direct witness reports that the judge completely disallowed. One, where ex threatened to kill me and who called the police 5 times to try and get them to come to my house more quickly (they took 30 mins). He said he wouldn't allow this evidence as this witness had not filled in his address as he did not want my ex to know where he lived. I argued in my appeal that this witness had filled in the confidentiality form to the court whereby the court did indeed have his address and had also come to court to give evidence, and that he'd also taken his name off the electoral role because he was so scared. The appeal judge said that was 'unfortunate' but the judge wasn't to know that...er but he did :(

The second, my elderly neighbour (who used to hear him) produced a sworn statement but didn't want to come to court (my ex had also tried to intimidate her into withdrawing her statement which she prepared a second statement stating such)... that was therefore 'meaningless'

He's usually a charmer but his behaviour in court was really bad.. obviously not bad enough though , but he was told repeatedly he was damaging his case. I was left wondering what he would have to do for the judge to reverse any order. He actually said in court that 'if he wanted to kill me he would do it'.

I know he would emotionally and physically abuse DS. I'm also worried he would sexually abuse him (long story and hard to swallow :()

Hi, I just found this posting matches my situation and I wonder what happened in the end, is contact on going?