OK, fuck, xp has a profile on Plenty of Fish

[cowardlylionhere]

and it's upset me and I need a pep talk. He walked out on me and our 3 month old in the summer, and I moved back to my hometown 2 weeks ago. God knows why I was looking there (well, I do know, we met there and I was seeing if he had gone back there) and I have an actual ache in my heart now his profile is up. Goddamn prick :( How can he be ready to move on? WHy do I even care? I've been doing so well but this has got me like a dagger to the heart. I've been left with a 7 mo, 2 older dc and no life. He clearly has time to spend chatting to randoms on the internet embracing his new single life, while getting his solicitor to send me letters detailign how upset he is . God I wish I'd never looked. Can you all pile in and tell me what a prick he is?

Sign up and tell everyone exactly what he is!

I feel so down about this and that makes me mad as I'd finally had a really good day. WHY did I have to look? I was more trying to reassure myself that of course he wouldn't go back on there, and voila! Maybe he feels safe to do it as I'm now so far away? I keep trying to remind myself of all the awful things he has done, and cheer myself up with the lies he has on his profile. But, damn, that's a profile I would (DID!) reply to. It's funny, witty and warm. It does leave out the part about his tiny penis and erectile dysfunction though, so there's always that...But I have a child with this man. a YOUNG child. And my mind is not even remotely on findong someone else (ever again tbh). But now I've taken ds out of sight, it really does seem to be out of mind. WHY do I care?? I wish I didnt :(

Evidence of what, Travelin? He sounds a total wanker, but as a single (unmarried) man he has a right to a dating profile. (However inappropriate it might seem, timing-wise)
cowardly I can't imagine the pain you're feeling, but yes, he is a PRICK and you are your lovely ds are much better off without him.

my ex was on there 3 months after a 13 year relationship

he does have more freedom than I do, and even when he has the dcs he still gets a babysitter and goes out

I cheer myself up with he will soon be someone else's problem

Its hard, and you get to live with it...

That's the thing, I can't use it against him. He's single, he clearly moved on long ago. I on the otherhand had been envisioning this christmas as our first as a real family, and instead find myself 300 miles away, moving to be closer to my parents as I couldn't deal with being left with 3dc. He's clearly living it up now we've left. I feel physically sick as there's nothing I can do, and I have no right to be upset about it. The thought ofg him with someone else has caught me by surprise and it upsets me. Maybe I'm not over him. I keep imagining him in bed with someone else, not even doing anything, just having his arms around her. I need a slap or booze

As therapy, write an alternative profile for him. Write down all the silly, annoying, negative things that you really dislike about him. Forget his funny, warm witty profile which is probably 99% bollox and re-write the truth....i'll help you start......

Hi I'm XXXX my penis is the size of a button mushroom and I've as much sexual skill in the bedroom as a wet flannel......

OP, be thankful you're well rid of someone so shallow. He's probably putting himself out there because he has low self esteem (Probably due to pin dick).

mumstonic, that is just what I needed to hear. I shall be mentally doing that all night. He's written about our son. About ME.
'As you can see on my details, I have a son. He?s nearly 8 months old and dribbles a little more than I do. He?s got a mum so no need to worry about that. I just need a prospective lady friend to understand that I have that commitment which is very dear to me. '
So dear, I walked out on him when he was 7 weeks old. PRICK. Rahhhhhhhhhr

He?s got a mum so no need to worry about that

In the spirit of sorority it's my belief that you have a civic duty to warn your sisters about the size of his dick his less endearing traits here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/$thread.Topicoptname/1620580-Well-purse-my-fanjo-giraffes-in-wheelchairs-and-submariners-going-dowwwnnnn-the-dating-thread-hits-30 and anywhere else you can name and shame the twat

waltermitty I am seeing red too. How fucking dare he. He's the only person I met on internet dating, within 3 weeks of signing up. He was on there 2 years before that and got one single date. So I'm hoping he has just as much luck this trime. But then why do I even care?I hope he meets someone who truly deserves him

I want to rage and shout and just cry about the general unfairness fo the world. But I can't, ds is awake and i need to go to bed myself :( I think tonight might be the night that I actually start the pack of antidepressants I got last month :( Can't do any harm

Well at least you can take comfort in knowing that most sensible women will conclude that he's a bit of a arse for advertising his availablity so soon after the birth of his son.

He's clearly playing the dad card to demonstrate his caring side, but dont worry most women are clever enough to see through that kind of crap. Dont torture yourself imagining him living it up either, you may think he's dating other women and having a ball but the chances are he's probably not. In fact he's missing out on so much, which in time he'll live to regret. He sounds a little desperate and pathetic tbh - a lucky escape I'd say!

Take comfort in that you have your beautiful DCs, focus on creating a magical Christmas for you and them and if an image of your Ex enters your head remember he is a LOSER!

im not trying to troll or get a bite here but why is he a prick for wanting to have a new relationship, it does suck most indeed hes walked out on his 7week old child which is most certainly a plums trick but to bitch about him having a internet dating profile 6months after you split, this reads more that you havent let me go properly to be internet stalking what he is upto..

You have a great infant now, he will miss out on all the great stuff they do, 1st roll, 1st walk attempt etc so forget about if he is getting his willy wet or not and think about your own future.

Well zod, he did walk out in June but has been playing me for a fool pretty much constantly since. I honestly thought we'd get back together, and he acted in a way that encouraged me to think that. Obviously going looking for his profile was a bad idea. I feel like utter shit. And for everyone who tells me that he's missing the good stuff, he's also missing a baby who has never slept longer than 2 hours at a time. Ever. I am shattered and dealing with it all by myself. I have 2 other children whi he promised a nice family life to who are also dealing with him leaving. i thought he might just he some kind of regret or Something over the way he's acted. but his priority has been to get his dating profile sorted. So yes, I am bitter. I would gladly swap places with him and leave him to deal with the tatters that my life has become but unfortunately it's not an option

In the comparison stakes how tattered has your life become?

Before you met him you were presumably a single parent to 2 dc and now you have 3. Your youngest may be a poor sleeper but he'll grow out of that and now you've moved closer to family maybe your relatives will pitch in with babysitting on occasion to give you a break?

Try not to lose sight of the fact that in the grand scheme of things he's the loser here in more ways than one.

I'm hoping that your feelings are more about the unfairness of you having to raise your children single-handedly, rather than any real hopes of reconciliation.
Because why would you really want someone back who couldn't give you a satisfying sex life?

You said you responded to a profile similar to the one he's now posted and you were one of only two women to pursue any interest in him. Instead of taking anti-depressants, it might be worth pursuing a counsellor referral through your GP and spending some time analysing why you were attracted to this man in the first place, had a child with him and still wanted a reconciliation after he had treated you and your children so badly. You might need your radar to be more finely tuned if you are to avoid meeting more men just like him in the future.

You come across on here as so so lovely- don't give him a second of your time or let him make you feel shit. He is obviously a total dickhead.

Sounds like the prickiest prick in all of prickdom to me!

Charbon, it's difficult. He was the one who ended the relationship and wouldn't try again. I do feel that as we have a child together we owe ds to at least have tried. I've already had counselling, though admittedly not for this. I know the idea of him is far more appealing than he reality. I think I'm just sad for all that we might have been. The reality was that I overlooked all his faults. Even to the point of putting my needs aside, not just in relation to the sex. When the erectile dysfunction became apparent I couldn't leave him as I thought we should work on it. But he's a 32 year old guy, he'd had a couple of unsuccessful one night stands, I was his first relationship. But it didn't get better, I do think its psychological though. I don't know that another woman would be as understanding as I was. But that's not my problem now. I would still get back together and I thought that was because I feel we should make the effort for ds. But maybe it is because I just don't feel I deserve better. Extreme tiredness is making everything seem insurmountable at the moment. Ds is breasted and cows milk protein intolerant so formula jant an option and not ca anime else have him overnight. I feel like I need just one deep sleep to feel more on top of things. I know I have no right to feel upset about him moving on. It just feels like a massive slap in the face.

Cowardlylion, a milk-intolerant infant is not a reason to carry on breastfeeding if you feel it's time to stop - there are several milk free formulas designed for just that group of babies, your GP/HV can advise/ prescribe. It's maddening when you know someone is lying but can't put the world straight about them - all you can do is focus on looking after yourself/DCs, and file away the evidence that he is clearly moving on, to use when next he is messing you around IRL.

Your feelings are perfectly natural cowardly because you've been hurt terribly by this man, let down, disappointed and he's walked out on your ds.

The people who are saying he hasn't done wrong are technically right yes. But they have no emotions involved so they can look at it objectively.

Don't worry about what you feel. You're entitled to feel whatever you want! But I definitely think you should try to work through this with a counsellor and even with your anti-ds if need be.

Because he doesn't deserve any more space in your head. You DO deserve better. Mourn the loss, rage at the fact that he seems to have moved on insultingly easily and then LET IT GO.

That's when your life will turn around. When you learn your own worth and learn that you can be really happy with just your ds. If someone else more deserving comes along at a later date then that's just a bonus! :)