SELFISH SISTER?

[Merlin]

Please bear with me on this one, but would be grateful for peoples views/thoughts cos it's doing my head in!

Sister lives a couple of hours drive away from rest of family. Always seems to have a problem in visiting - never wants to stay very long, Mum gets upset, less time seeing grandson etc. This has been going on for years, other sister fell out with her over something else and didn't talk for over a year. Now on speaking terms again - just.

Situation now is Dads 70th birthday coming up. Discussed on phone with sister plans for day weekend with they staying with us, big family meal etc on Easter Sunday evening. Problem is she now reckons I said meal was Saturday (day they are coming) and that she wants to go home on the Sunday (Dad's birthday)so they can have a 'family' day on the BH Mon and visit the inlaws. Ok, I know thats fair enough and her DP does work long hours so they don't get an awful lot of time together, but I think she is being selfish as it is a special birthday. Now thinking I should change the meal to Sat night to suit her but DH is adamant that we leave arrangements as they are. She is now pissed off with me and says we never confirmed anything!!! I honestly thought the way we were talking on the phone that she knew what the plan was.

ARRRGGGGGHHH! Well done if you read to the end - thanks.

Think I'd change it but then I'm a bit of a wuss. COuld you make the meal at lunchtime on the Sunday so she could still get back? It's only a couple of hours travel for her and if it keeps everybody happy...

At the end of the day, your dad having a good celebration is the main thing... I think I would change the meal if possible. Better to let her "win" and your dad have a birthday to remember, than to keep the day, and have it ruined by a) her not coming, or b) her coming and there being sulks etc and making it all miserable.

Thing is Hayls - was planning an Easter Egg Hunt in the garden for the kids on the Sun morning and just generally relaxing with coffee/hot X buns etc when parents arrive. Don't really want to be chained to the kitchen all morning to get a big lunch ready! Was just going to have a light lunch and then go off to the beach if the weather is OK for the afternoon. Oh, bloody families eh!!!

That sounds nice - I'd say do the meal Saturday, and enjoy the relaxing day on Sunday without her (if she's like my sister it will be much more relaxing )

she is clearly being selfish.... however....

is it more important to make a point or for her to be there for your dads birthday? is there any reason why you cant do it saturday or sunday lunch? i think hayls lunch time suggestion is a good one, especially if there are small children around, my kids are always difficult at night time parties cos they get tired and grumpy

dont say anything before the event, she will just get huffy and it would spoil it for your dad. we have a branch of the family like this, we all just tend to laugh about them after they leave (yes very childish), at least that way they provide a bit of entertainment!

Can they not change their days? Family day on the Saturday and come on he Sunday?

She is being selfish, but you might have to swallow your pride for the sake of your Dad on this one. Assuming everyone else can do the Sat night that is. You can still do the egg hunt, etc on the Sunday without her :)

Don't cook Merlin!! Make her feel guilty that you can't cook because you don't have time because you had to change it to lunchtime and go out for a fab meal instead (you can only win there!)

Flame you;ve hit the nail on the head - she will just sulk about it and never let me forget it (she already brought up some other things in our conversation yesterday that happened over a year ago FGS!).

Think am going to have big meal on Sat night and then she can bugger off home on Sun when she's had enough of us - and as you say we can then have a nice relaxing day without having to look at her sulky face and laugh about her when she's gone (GG you are soooooo naughty !

Gillian - her DP is possibly working Sat morning and anyway even if he wasn't they couldn't posssibly make the effort and get to us anytime before mid-later afternoon - that would be too much to ask! This is why my Mum gets upset - it's like she only ever visits under duress and then can't wait to get away again.

Do the meal on the Sat then and have a smaller affair on the Sunday. Will likely be more relaxed without her and you worrying about her upsetting everyone.

Change it for the sake of your dad BUT tell her she owes you one.

Personally i would stick to the original plans and as she is staying with you she can fit in with YOU. ! If they cannot stay on Sunday then let them go ..perhaps her dp puts pressure on her to fit in with his side of the family too. You do what you feel comfortable with and ask your DAD how he feels and what he would like. good luck !