What's normal when it comes to touching each other in bed?

[InterstateSally]

My ex was a total pain in the arse in bed and would constantly touch, stroke, harrass, pester etc. It drove me insane so maybe my view is warped BUT -

Newish boyfriend, been together a few months, NEVER touches me in bed unless we're already in 'established' foreplay. I sleep naked, he puts his arms around me and seems to make a conscious effort not to touch my boobs! He never strokes me or touches me in any way really other than hugging me. Is he just being respectful? is THIS normal?

If I touch him he automatically thinks I want sex and will either start with foreplay or say he's tired. Sometimes I just feel it would be nice to touch each other's bodies without it neccessarily leading to sex.

What IS normal?

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I think the best thing to do is to talk to each other about it. Everyone is different.

^I agree with littlefrogs

It is normal to be able to discuss these things with the person who shares your bed. Beyond that, there is a huge amount of room for compromise - for example, I quite often like to cuddle but can't fall asleep that way as I overheat.

Have you mentioned how things were with your last partner? He may just be very worried about 'pestering' you.

LTB and find Goldilocks

Have you told him about how hands on your ex was? He might not know what you want.

He is on the right side of normal IYSWIM. Starting from a hands-off stance and progressing to more is far better than dealing with a gropey letch. He might be worried about touching you too much and annoying you. My DH can be the same sometimes - I have to tell him it's ok to keep touching although I won't necessarily want sex. TBH touching does usually lead to sex though!

Just talk to him about it, I'm sure he's just trying to be careful.

Would it seem pushy to direct his hands to my boobs now and again whilst we're cuddling? Does that say "shag me"? Because I don't neccessarily want to say that

It depends on what kind of people you are as individuals, and what you decide is okay/not okay regarding touching in your relationship. You definitely need to talk about these things: maybe once you do this, you'll both relax and will be able to touch intimately without it leading to sex. Or with it leading to sex. You'll be able to read one another's signs better the more that you communicate.

Getting him to grab your boobs might say to him that you want to sex. If you do this, but don't want sex, it might be confusing for him unless you tell him. Sonething like:

"I love it when you grab my boobs when we're in bed. We don't have to have sex just because you grab my boobs; I just like it."

Just explain what you like and what you want. Normal for you as a couple is what you both decide it is. Through speech.

He sounds like a decent respectful chap. He sounds normal and rather lovely actually.
He takes more than hugging as a possible invitation to more and lets you know where he's at (tired/up for it)
If you're interested in a middle ground you'll need to spell it out more.

Just talk to him! If you can have sex with him you can have a conversation surely?

Sounds like my DH. Goes nowhere near erogenous zones unless its part of sex. I hate it. It makes me feel completely undesirable and asexual. I hear women on here complaining about their sex pest partners groping them day in day out and I think "if only"!!!

neessomeperspective-I'll give you my ex 'Mr 6ft3 wandering hands' to you for free-expect to have to enjoy being trapped under a trunk-like leg all night too.....

The first bowl of porridge was too hot.

The second bowl of porridge was too cold...........

Come on girl, you have a mouth - talk to him. (Btw, 'grab my boob's', is a defo 'cum'on and shag me until my ears drop off, big boy' sign)

How can so many people not communicate? Talk, it won't scare him off.

it doesnt matter whats "normal"

What matters is what you want and whether youre compatible.

Have you tried telling him that sometimes you just want a cuddle and it doesnt mean you want to jump his bones