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Original poster

Am I going mad or am I an inveterate snob or worse of all both??????

33 replies

arabella2 · 07/01/2004 12:16

Hello
I am six months pregnant and I don't know if this has something to do with all of this as I feel kind of on the edge and vulnerable to arguments with other people. I had an argument with a woman in a supermarket on Christmas Eve (wrote about it in another thread "very very upset"
) and now today another disagreement with somebody on the street. This is very unlike me.
Today I was with ds and dh on the highstreet in London where we live. They were a little way away from me and I was looking in a jewellery shop window. The oldish woman next to me said something about the men's rings which I didn't understand so I said what? Instead of repeating it she said "are you from Poland?" to which I must have said no, then "but you're not English..." can't remember what I said but I didn't answer that question, then "you don't sound English" to which I have to say I said "neither do you"... (I think she was Irish). I don't quite know why I took that approach, to my mind she was being nosy and intrusive and I couldn't think of anything else to say. I think she also said something about me not looking English (I am half English half Italian which would account for me not looking English but somehow I didn't see why I should go into this with a total stranger whose questions I was finding annoying). I do sound English, totally, I don't know why she said that to me, and I don't quite know why I got a bit offended. Might be a throw back to when we lived in Belgium as kids and I used to feel a foreigner here in the UK when we visited family, in Italy and also of course Belgium.
Anyway, I walked away and she followed me (!) a bit later and said there was nothing to be ashamed of. Probably other things which I can't remember. I must've been a bit aggressive because I couldn't deal with this person following me around telling me where I came from and what I should and shouldn't be ashamed of. She then told me I had a screw loose (or words to that effect) and put her finger to her head. I have to say that after that things degenerated a bit and I called her a stupid cow (infront of ds I am ashamed to say) and to get lost and I think she was probably saying rude things to me but it all got lost in the general flurry and aggressive atmosphere. We then walked away Bizarre. I just wanted to be left alone and she wouldn't basically. Dh reckons (though he was not there for the first part of the conversation) that she might have been a bit stupid in the way she was talking but that she was just being friendly. I'm sure she was but somehow I couldn't handle her nosiness (spelling) and didn't know how to deal with it. "Sorry, I am not in the mood for talking" might have been okay but somehow these responses never come to mind at the time.
I have always been quite reserved and maybe I am unfriendly. Maybe I am a snob in that I didn't like the over familiar way she was asking me these questions kind of in my personal mental space without me having given her permission to be there. If she had just stuck to a conversation about the men's rings I would have been perfectly happy to talk about them, but no...
Any thoughts???

OP posts:

suzywong · 07/01/2004 12:20

PG=license to tell people who annoy you to PO if the need arises, especially nosey old bags

You go girlfriend

CountessDracula · 07/01/2004 12:24

Don't see how snobishness comes into this.

When you are pg hormones make you react strangely. Normally you would prob have just walked off and laughed about it.

When I was pg regularly told people to PO!

katierocket · 07/01/2004 12:28

agree suzywong

arabella - sounds like an annoying fruitcake to me (the other woman, not you!)

why the hell did she ask you if were from Poland?! I'm not very good in these type of situations either - I think it's some kind of 'middle-class' reserve (oh no, don't start that thread up again) but I can't cope with odd situations like this.

NGPY · 07/01/2004 12:40

Hello Arabella

If its any consolation I have been a devil to live with for the last few weeks (poor dh) and actually had a stand-up, shouting row with a colleague (over the phone) yesterday, which culminated in me slamming the phone down, and then saying "Bitch!" very audibly. Oh dear, that is not good

NGPY · 07/01/2004 12:41

She was completely in the wrong of course.

Tinker · 07/01/2004 12:41

Can't see where snobbishness comes into it either but loved your "neither do you" answer

JanH · 07/01/2004 12:56

"Are you from Poland?" is a bit of a mad non sequitur after a "what?" that indicates not hearing/understanding something. Maybe she meant to be funny. Anyway if she hadn't followed you the degeneration wouldn't have happened, would it?
So it was all down to her!

fio2 · 07/01/2004 15:01

arabella i think you are normal to me...are you from poland? lol! does she think this is a way to start a conversation! sounds a bit loopy to me, very loopy to follow you too

zebra · 07/01/2004 15:07

I had an (adult) autistic friend who would get into conversations like the one you had, Arabella2. I would have been unsettled & wary, too... but Try to give her the benefit of the doubt; some people really can't help it, and she sounds harmless, at least.

Jimjams · 07/01/2004 15:39

Is this the first time this has happened to you? Really? I get this sort of thing all the time. Sit on a train, minding my own business and I always get the coach lunatic next to me. Had a brilliant mad lady on a bus once telling me that we were being overun by Irish who were all coming across into dover (!!). Then she started saying they were all dirty. I lapped this up as dh is Irish so chad to rush home and tell him.

It happens all the time- especially in London ime.

Tinker · 07/01/2004 15:48

Still laughing at this one. I'm going to start saying "Are you from Poland?" out of the blue to people.

Browbeaten · 07/01/2004 16:11

It was your hormones but she probably thought she was being friendly if she was irish. My parents are irish and sometimes their friends ask nosy questions in a friendly way and then make their own assumptions if you don't give a direct reply. I had an old irish guy stop me in tesco to talk to my 12 mth old and then he said "I like to speak to the children to see if there is anything wrong with them" - bizarre!! I just laughed and said "See ya" but if I was hormonal I could of been offended and punched his face in at his arrogance. Just forget her, you'll laugh about it later

suedonim · 07/01/2004 16:49

Sounds like she was the loopy one, def give her the benefit of the doubt.

Mind you, that sort of questioning would be par for the course in Indonesia. People are incredibly interested/nosy and ask the most personal Q's about your age, your family, how much you earn, what your parents died of etc even if you are total strangers to each other.

expatkat · 07/01/2004 16:59

I agree with what everyone else has been saying. Just want to add that I am particularly sensitive to questions about where I'm from. In fact, isn't it actually bad manners (as I've been taught) to question someone about their accent straight away, even though it may seem like the easiest & most natural conversation-starter? When you're on the receiving end of such questions, you start to see why. Some strangers are genuinely curious and hugely well-intentioned; but others attach a judgment to your country of origin & see an opportunity for debate or to air their (often ill-informed) opinions. Better to stay away from that line of questioning initially, I always think.

I agree that this lady probably meant no harm or judgment. But I just wanted to reassure you FWIW that I don't think you're insane or overly hormonal to feel uncomfortable about such personal questions, especially given that you're actually a native (!)

JanH · 07/01/2004 18:32

oh dear, is it rude? I'm afraid I'm guilty then - though I usually say "you're not from round here, are you?" in a "I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer" kind of voice.

fio2 · 07/01/2004 18:51

janh i get 'you're not local are you?' ALL THE TIME!!!

jac34 · 07/01/2004 18:54

There is something about old people, they seem to think they have the right to poke their nose in anywhere and be really rude.

It's not you it's her !!

fisil · 07/01/2004 18:55

I agree that being pg is a fantastic excuse for saying exactly what you think. There has to be some compensation for all the rest of the discomfort!

Well said!

eidsvold · 07/01/2004 20:27

i get it all the time too - where are you from - to which I reply Essex and smile sweetly.... causing them to give me a very confused look or look at me as if I have some sort of Special needs......

however when you are pregnant things can wind you up that otherwise you would have let slide...

eidsvold · 07/01/2004 20:28

guess cause I don't sound incredibly ocker - more like a posh australian ( according to my mum ) people can't work it out... I am offended however when they accuse me of being a kiwi - no offence to kiwis intended - you know how it is

tanzie · 07/01/2004 21:27

"Are you from Poland?!" Fantastic! You don't live in Ealing or Acton, do you? Can't think of any other reason why someone might ask if you were Polish...

Clarinet60 · 07/01/2004 22:06

She was bonkers arabella, you're not a snob.
Like jimjams et al, I have this sort of thing happen to me all the time.
At a party recently, an 'older lady' told me quite aggressively that my dad couldn't possibly be from Nigeria because I have the wrong shaped face. Right then, Mrs.

Clarinet60 · 07/01/2004 22:09

eidsvold. When they ask me where I'm from I always say Crouch End, sweetly, and make them splutter, 'er, no, what about your parents, I mean, originally.......' If I'm feeling particularly devilish I mention other parts of the country I've frequented.

Blu · 08/01/2004 10:36

Can I be Blunt Blu for a minute or two?

I do sympathise with people having to put up with all kinds of comments which range from the naive to ignorant to tactless and just plain intrusive and rude, and heaven knows, particular circumstances around my DS and family set-up can attract the full deluxe range with nuts and sauce. BUT my honmest opinion is that if any of us get so upset with harmless lost souls on the street to the extent that we use abusive language, the problem is with us, not them.

But 'bad moments', whether down to hormones, weather, lack of sleep, bad hair etc are not hanging offences, so no need to get so het up about those, either!

motherinferior · 08/01/2004 10:46

Got a point there, Blu.

I get very upset with long conversations with people who swear I can't be half Asian because I'm so white; in fact these days I just say 'I'm not in a zoo' and leave it at that (curiously they often get offended by that). But I don't think one lost soul in the street is more than that, quite frankly.

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