Finally agreed - but feel sad?

[theendishere]

I've posted before. stbx and i split up beginning of the year, have had a hellish 9 months arguing over finances, etc (still both living in the same house, but blanking eachother). Fially reached agreement, thru solicitors and had our first conversation a few days ago in months. went fine and even managed a smile or 2. Now feel very sad, but should be happy - I was happy initially, the relief was incredible, but now feel such a sense of loss :(

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I'm so sorry. I think it's perfectly natural to feel sad and feel a sense of loss for the end of a marriage. It's made even more final, and the fact you managed to have a civil conversation after so long is somewhat of a 'head fuck' in itself.
Just hold onto your initial feelings of relief, I have no doubt that these feelings will override the sad ones in a few days once you're back on track.
Take time to mourn for your marriage, perhaps you need to. And then move onto a happier life that surely awaits you.
I have filed for divorce recently and I know how you're feeling.

Thanks Dolly. I thought i was totally over it all after all his awful behaviour, but when we had our chat i saw a few of the traits that i once thought i loved, along with some i really didn;t though!
sorry to hear about your divorce too

Of course he will still have traces of the man you loved. It's cruel isn't it. It's a long road to being in a happy place I think, but you will get there.
I have found that its 2 different things accepting that something is over, and being over someone. No matter what they did, you loved them once. I think I mourn more for the life I thought I had and the future I was building for my DD's. It's hard. But you will be ok x

After splitting with my h I found myself hanging on to all the intolerable things he did in order to maintain my resolve I think. Once the decision was 'finalised' (in my mind) I allowed myself to reflect a bit more on what I was losing, the nice bits. I think I was scared that if I allowed myself to feel sad at the beginning I would get confused and want him back (has happened before 3times )
I'm 100% sure we are over now, so the occasional pang of regret feels 'safe'.

Sorry you are having a hard time. No real advice to add above what others have said. My divorce was similar to yours - stuck in same house together, ignoring each other, all communication through solicitors - and when it was all done an dusted I felt as you do now: "what a waste".

Seven years on and although he still drives me mad most of the time, occasionally when we're having a 'normal' conversation I think "you're ok" and wonder if we could have made it after all. I know in my heart the answer is no, but I still feel sad about it. Divorce is sad. But focus on your future now. It will get better.

Oh thanks for those comments :)
Pleased to know it's not unusual to feel like this!