Hynotherapy for sexual problems??

[OhEmGee25]

I'm posting on behalf of a family member, a non-mumsnetter. She suffers from severe vaginismus following a 4th degree tear about four years ago. She has been unable to have sex due to total phobia of the pain which ended a relationship some time ago. Love her, she's had counselling, tried pain killers and a set of creepy looking plastic dildos presumably to attempt to stretch things to no avail. She has now met a nice bloke who she wants to get close to so is considering hypnotherapy (is that different to hypnosis).

Has anyone had this successfully or could recommend someone in SW London/ Surrey?

I don't know anything much about hypnotherapy, but your family member might find it helpful to look at this website. It's run by women for women and deals with all sorts of vaginal problems.

Hypnotherapy is a gentle therapy which re-programmes thought processes on a subconscious level.
It can be extremely effective for many things including sexual problems.
It is safe and the client has complete control (contrary to popular belief).
She may prefer to see a female therapist being a female issue (not saying male therapists aren't good), it will work better the more comfortable she is with the therapist.
Also don't assume that therapists that charge less aren't as good, this is not the case.
Your friend should ring around a few and get a feel of the therapist on the phone, rapport is a very personal thing.

Is said your friend, sorry I meant family member.

I haven't had hypnotherapy but just wanted to say how sorry for your family member I am - I've experienced vaginisimus before and it was awful. I was with a lovely man, got out of the habit of it and was so scared. The relationship went awry, all platonic and I genuinely thought I wasn't going to have sex again. I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone - me and my friends talk about lots but that seems to be such a taboo, everyone claiming to be at it like rabbits, all modern women that enjoy sex. Except me. Didn't want to try any scary stretchy things. Too embarrassed to talk to my doctor. I'd written myself off. I met a lovely man, it was a short fling but a very nice one and for some reason, We eventually managed to do the deed. No heavy talking about it - he knew i was nervous but not the full extent of the problem - a little bit of wine and relaxation...I don't know what it was about him that helped me break the vicious cycle but I will be eternally grateful to him for restarting me.

Not the same situation as your family member but I just wanted to post my experience to say it can be achieved even when you feel all is lost and shes not alone. I really wish her luck. It's horrible. Hope the hypnosis works.

I have Pm'd you.

Oh thanks for such quick replies! My cousin is only 27 so understandably just wants to get back in the saddle so to speak!

It might also help if she sees a gynaecologist or at least the practice nurse at the GP and gets her vagina checked out. Because sometimes, after a bad tear, there's scarring etc that can be fixed or at least helped. Basically, vaginismus after childbirth isn't always just psychological, and it's worth checking that there aren't any physical issues.

It suffered from vaginismus for years and I did not have any success with the dildo / dilator option. Having looked for different options to sort me out over the past few years I did not really want to try hypnosis. I am now of the belief that most issues of vaginismus are due to subconscious / psychosexual disorders i.e. something which happened years earlier or trauma (as was my case). There is lots of information on www.vagi-wave.co.uk and they take a different approach to using a dilator. The subconscious mind is a powerful thing which affects how you feel and behave. Hypnotherapists try to tap into this but if you are not comfortable with this then you need a way to deal with the issue in the comfort and privacy of your own home. Hope this helps.

I love hypnotherapy! It has its limits, though, and can rarely effect lasting change in very deep-seated emotional-psychological issues. If your friend's vaginismus is due solely to her traumatic birth experience and there's no physical reason for it, hypnotherapy could really help. I tend to think it's more likely to work if she's in a relationship with someone nice (or at least has access to a nice man for the purpose, iyswim.)

My main purpose here was to advise strongly in favour of a woman therapist. In my extensive therapy experience, I've never met a male counsellor who was truly at ease with women's sexuality, genitalia and their workings. Given that this would be the focus of her therapy, she'd need someone who not only understood the whole issue but with whom she felt utterly safe. I think it's hard enough to find an effective woman counsellor with these qualities, let alone a male.