May be potentially outing myself but I just need to get this out. Also NCed.
For as long as I can remember my dad has been very aggressive. The tiniest thing would set him off. My parent's friends are aware of what he is like, but haven't seen the full extent.
When I was younger I was very aware that my dad was someone I should be scared of. He used to work for a job that would mean he would be in and out of the house all day, there was no routine to when he would be back, sometimes he'd be gone for an hour, sometimes all day. All I know is that when he came home the atmosphere would change, my mum would shrink and me and my sister would be expected to be silent.
There are two occasions that have etched in my memory that have made me hate him. Strong word but it's true. I have no love for him. I hate him. I hate how our family changes when he comes in the room.
The first is when he came home from a bike ride, he put his bike away and then just as the door was closing I saw him kick Mum in the stomach, I was about 7 and I wanted to throw up. My mum acted like nothing had happened but I could see for the next couple of days that she was in pain.
Another is when my mum was ill. She went to bed. This was very unusual, she would never leave me or my sister alone with him, so even at a young age I knew she must have been very ill. My sister is 5 years younger than me and at this time was just a toddler. He told me I could get myself a bowl of ice cream. I did it but couldn't get it back in the freezer. He screamed in my face and dragged me to my room by my hair. This woke my mum up and I could hear them arguing and my sister crying. Then my mum walked out. My dad dragged me out of my room and dragged me back downstairs. My sister was screaming. He told me to put her coat and shoes on, which I couldn't. She was wriggling and I was panicking but he kept screaming. Then he grabbed her and grabbed my arm and we went looking for my mum. We found her and she was on her way back home. She was limping and she'd been crying.
These are the only two times that I remember him hitting my mum but there a few times where I remember him being overly physical with me. Never in a sexual way but always in an intimidating way. He is very advanced in martial arts and would often use locks on me and my mum. Making us feel very helpless.
When I was 5 my mum had a job but my dad expected her to work FT and somehow be a SAHM and his personal slave. She never went back after maternity leave and stayed at home to look after the family. When he comes home from work he grills her about what she has done in the day. The only thing he isn't controlling about is money. He gives mum all the money but expects pocket money, regardless of if she can't afford it.
If I was ever naughty when I was with my mum she would smack me on the leg, tell me why and that would be that. I know people disagree with smacking but it hasn't affected me at all. It made me aware of consequences. But my dad would often scream at me, slap me across the face, make me stand with my nose on the wall "ground me for a year".
He lies all the time. He used to say me and my sister were fighting and use it as an excuse to hit us. He gets into rages for no reason and makes up lies to justify them. He lies about things that have happened in the day. For example, a couple of weeks ago he came home from the shop and said he had been punched. Another time he was out walking the dog and said our dog was attacked by another dog so he threatened to kick the dog to death and stab the owner.
He is very anal about some things. If anyone sits in his chair he gets very annoyed. Until I was 16 I was allowed one bath a week. On any other day, when I wasn't getting a bath I wasn't allowed more than 20 mins in the bathroom or he'd be furious so I often had to go to school with dirty hair as I had no time to wash it.
As I got older I started to stand up to him, as did my mum. He's calmed down a lot but he is still so angry. We see him walking up the path. He has this lunging walk, which shows he is angry. He's done it today. He's come home and he's had a bad day at work. We all know this but he's trying to justify his anger by saying it's because I'm in my pyjama's so I've "done fuck all all day". I've been up since 7.30, been to college, been shopping and have been applying for jobs but he doesn't believe me. My mum's friend is here and he's saying that her husband should beat up her daughter's ex partner because he beats her up. He's saying he'd lie in court.
He says racist things, on purpose to make me mad, he tries to make me mad because he's spoiling for a fight. He lies about "vidoes the guys in work have shown him". Where "a black man and girl beat up and steal a white girls clothes". Our town is very multicultural. He has claimed in the past that a group of muslims threatened to rape a white girl "because it's a muslim town now". It just infuriates me and I always take the bait.
I don't know what I hope to gain from posting, but I just need to get it out. Anybody feel like a chat? :(