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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Overeacting? If not how do i handle it? DH and drink.

9 replies

hidingbehindthis · 21/11/2012 15:02

OK, so i started a thread before about DH and his drinking and his mates and his work. Sorry i cant link. It's the only thread i've had under this name. I was worried because his work mates were drinking and taking drugs.

I got really good advice. I even followed some of it!

Very much in a nutshell DH has a problem with drink in that he cant resit it when it's on offer. He doesn't always drink to excess, but will always drink at least enough to get 'merry'. It doesn't take allot - 2 or 3 pints and he's loud and sleury.

I just don't know how to feel right now. In some ways things have improved - the drugs onsite problem have been sorted to some extent, but in some ways things are nosediving.

DH is drinking and driving at least once a week. He's at a work mates right now as the sites shut due to rain. Instead of coming home he's been round there since this morning. I've rung him. He sounds like he's had too many.

I'm worried. When i tell him i'm worried he says he's fine. How do i approach this with him? He knows how i feel - but i don't know how to go to the next step. I'm afraid of sounding like a fish wife or crying about it in front of him. If i get upset i just cant express myself.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/11/2012 15:07

is this your other thread ?

I am so sorry love. He is regularly drinking and driving. I think you know what you have to do.

hidingbehindthis · 21/11/2012 15:09

Yep, thats me. Thank you AF.

What though. What can i do? I cant report him :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/11/2012 15:16

You can give him an ultimatum. But you have to mean it, and you have to be prepared to follow through.

I was on your other thread, under a different name.

When (not if) he gets caught for drink-driving, he will lose his licence and he will lose his livelihood. Your family will suffer terribly. Alcohol currently is more important to him than his family. That is what you are facing. If he cannot face it (or refuses to) then you have no other choice but to remove them from his damaging choices while you still have some control and input in the matter.

ClippedPhoenix · 21/11/2012 15:17

How far away from you is he? Do you drive?

TisILeclerc · 21/11/2012 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoraGainesborough · 21/11/2012 16:38

Why can't you report him?

How would you feel if he kills a family while drunk driving and you are entirely aware that he is and was going to do so?

DialsMavis · 21/11/2012 16:48

You can and should report him, people like him make me sick Angry Sad

NoWayNoHow · 21/11/2012 16:54

As someone who technically died for a few minutes after our car was hit by a drunk driver, and whose unborn sister was killed in the same crash, I would give your DH ONE CHANCE to make the right decision. To put your family and the lives of innocent people before his own selfish desires to drink without consequence.

If he cannot do it, not only would I remove my children from his influence, I would absolutely report him to the police. He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions, and I'm sure that you would rather that those consequences were your husband getting the help he needs and the punishment fitting the crime rather than killing one or more persons and having to live with the guilt of that for the rest of your life...

AnyFucker · 21/11/2012 17:02

OP, love, you know how this thread is going to go, don't you? I am surprised it is taking so long, tbh

It isn't your fault your husband has a drink problem, but by welcoming him back into the family home every time he has done it, you are condoning it.

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