Please help, I need advice :(

[hollycoral]

Hello,

I've just joined this site today in the hope that I can get some advice or help from anyone else who's been in a similar situation.
I found out I was pregnant in July and now I'm currently 21 weeks, expecting a little boy. I couldn't be happier about the little baby I'm growing inside but my boyfriend is making things so hard, stressful and confusing for me. He wasn't happy about the pregnancy, saying that he now has no options in his life and said that it made him feel like killing himself :( I'm scared to talk to him and when I finally got the courage to talk to him he got verbally abusive and was swearing and cursing about his options, ruined life and how he didn't want to depend on benefits. He made me feel so low and upset that I left his mums (where I was staying with him) and had to hop around various friends places, sleeping on floors and sofas.
After just over a month of moving around from place to place, I decided to give my boyfriend another chance and at times I thought he was coming around and starting to be a little more supportive. He would get me food I wanted and rub my back when It ached, but whenever I now try to talk about the future and what we should do he gets angry or doesn't talk to me for days. We don't really have a relationship anymore :( He never tells me that he loves me and he doesn't show any sensitivity. He doesn't kiss or hug me anymore. I feel just as lonely with him as I do without him.
I have a minimum wage job and I'm trying to save every penny for my baby. I don't want to be living at his mum's by the time the baby comes. My boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with his mum either. I'm at a point where I want to leave and stay with my mum (who has been the greatest support throughout all of this!), but she lives a couple of hours away. I stay here in Leicestershire because I need the work and money (at least until after Christmas). I don't think I could live on my own up here because I would be so lonely. My boyfriend has said once before that we should rent a place together but with me getting no maternity pay, he would be paying most of the rent and bills, which I know he will get pissed off with and hold it against me. I'm also concerned that he will try to hold power over me because he earns a lot more than I do. I'm not sure if I could commit to renting a house with him for a year, when he makes me feel so low and unsupported. I cry all the time now and I just want to be happy for my Baby. I'm so excited about it but he doesn't share any of that excitement with me :(
There is a lot more I could say but I'm not the best at writing everything down in a way that sounds clear.
Thanks for listening to all of that. I hope that someone can give me some advice please xxx

Go home to your Mum.

Don't stay with your boyfriend, he is abusive to you and he will be abusive to your little boy. I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

I think you need to accept your relationship with him is over, make a clean break and move to your Mum's. Don't tell him and give him the chance to mind-fuck with you, just go. You need good and straightforward support through this time, not an abusive, manipulative man-child.

Of course you can just pack up and go - woosh!!! Gone and back to your Mums. If you feel BF will get angry and threatening you don't even have to tell him. He's not being any help or support at all - just causing problems.

So much easier to get things together and go now, than after baby is born.

Your BF sounds like a burden and he's bringing you abuse and problems rather than love and support.. Don't think things will get better once baby arrives.

How long have you been in your job? To claim maternity allowance you only need to have been employed for at least 26 weeks in the 66 weeks before the week your baby is due. You get a weekly rate of either £135.45 or 90% of your average weekly earnings before tax (whichever is lower), and can claim from 11 weeks before your baby is due.

Go home to family where you will have help not abuse thrown at you.

If you are worried say you are going home alone for a break at Christmas and then just don't come back.

Much harder for him to be vile from a distance and your mum can filter communications.

Don't move in with him you would be made very aware to the penny of every bite of food, every shower, every nappy costs him. And forget new shoes a haircut or a maternity bra if he is in control of the money!

If he didn't want a child he should not have had sex as no method is 100%.

Could you just pack up? make a plan, when is he out of the house? when is his mother out? Can you take time out from your job and rush back and pack and be out before they arrive home? leave a note or do as others suggest wait until Christmas and say your going to visit your mum for a few days.

I wouldn't argue with him, what is the point, arguing is for people who have something to resolve.

15 years ago, I was more than halfway through my pregnancy. The father was an inconsiderate, disrespectful, unsupportive and at times nasty waste of space. I wish I had left when I realised this, rather than hoping desperately he would change (he didn't) and paying a high price for this.

Please please go and be with your Mum, where you will have the love, support and care that you deserve :)

Oh love
Go home to your mum. Your little boy deserves to come into the world surrounded by love and support, not resentment and fear. You deserve to feel able to enjoy your pregnancy, and enjoy your baby. This man will never allow either.

Just go, don't wait around. He will make a fuss, he'll be angry and probably aggressive when he realises you have gone. Do not mistake this for him suddenly realising how much he wants you or the baby, it's not because he will miss you or be lost without you. He wants to control you, and when he loses that control he may well be seriously pissed off. Ignore him!

He thinks that constantly reminding you of how you ruined his life he can make you feel grateful that he still bothers with you at all, how magnanimous he is to still have you around despite the fact that you went against his wishes! Bollocks. You're not fooled sweetheart, you wouldn't be posting here if you were. You know you deserve better, and you know that any decent man, regardless of how your baby came about would not punish you for it's very existence.

Go to your mum. If you were my daughter I'd be bundling you and your bump into my car within the hour. I'm betting your mum feels exactly the same.

On a practical note, find out what you are entitled to financially. You said originally you wouldn't get maternity pay - why is this? We're you employed before you got pregnant? If so, you are entitled to SMP. You need to tell your employer now that you are pregnant and will be going on mT leave etc. there are examples online. Have you handed them at matb1 form (thy give you these at the hospital or from midwife) You can go on mat leave from 29 weeks that's not long now. Have a look at www.dwp.gov.uk and find the maternity section. Even if you leave your employment now you may still be entitled to some maternity allowance.