I've posted before about my DM's intensely irritating behaviour, in a more light-hearted way, but something has just occurred to me today and I can't think why I couldn't figure it out before. We've never had a good relationship, not at all close, but since DD was born she seems to want to rewrite history, and I decided to be receptive to this as I think it would help to build bridges, and also because I feel a bit sorry for her TBH. So she came to stay with us for a week (we live quite far away).
Anyway - my realisation - just about everything she says is somehow negative or critical. E.g, this morning, we were leaving the house and I said to DD 'where are my keys?' Just silly chat to the baby, as you do. Well DM says, pretending she's the baby, 'I haven't got them, you can't blame me, Mum'. Eh? I didn't say anything about blame, what d'you mean? 2 minutes later I checked the mailbox on the way out and said to DD cheerfully 'No mail today!' DM replies 'Oooh, no mail, nobody wants to write to Mummy!'. Still later, after the supermarket where I bought a couple of bottles of wine for me and DH to enjoy, she hears them clanking in the trolley and says to DD 'Oooh, your Mummy sounds like a brewery'.
There's also the way she speaks to DD. and I know she's trying to be funny but I just don't like it. Expressions like 'Shall we just punch Mummy in the nose?' and 'Oh don't be a nuisance now'. She's only a baby, she doesn't understand, but I don't feel comfortable with this sort of negative language and the fact that she'll understand it before too long.
Finally (apologies and thanks if you're still with me) I've also noticed that she finds it unreasonably amusing every time I drop something, or have a minor bump, or DD pokes me in the eye or whatever. DD sneezed lunch right in my face today, no harm done, but I thought my DM was going to piss herself laughing.
What is going on here? Is it me, am I being ridiculous? Does this sound normal to you? The rest of the time, I should say, we don't actually TALK about anything. She talks to me through the baby, pretending to actually BE DD (irritating in the extreme and the subject of another thread!). I have not spent this length of time with her for many years and I really am struggling to understand what the hell is going on and what I should do about it. At the moment I am just shut down and barely engaging with her other than basic pleasantries and nodding and smiling.
God, sorry this is soooo long. Any thoughts welcome.
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Is it me? Or her? Or both of us? I just don't know.
5 replies
WaterBiscuit · 19/11/2012 19:11
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