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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argued with boyfriend, What should I do?

31 replies

shoobydoo · 18/11/2012 15:22

Nothing too major, just wanted some advice as I find this relationship stuff confusing.
Last night I watched a film with my boyfriend about domestic violence. It bought up some old feelings for me from my past and I mentioned something that had happened to me while I was with my ex.
My boyfriend responded to this by asking me if I wanted a cup of tea.
I felt really hurt as what I had said was quite a difficult thing to talk about and is obviously a bit of an issue for me. Later on we talked about his reaction a bit and he apologised half heartedly, but this morning he huffed off home as I was still grumpy.
The thing that bothers me is that he avoids things that are difficult to talk about either by pretending that everything is ok or by going home. Now I feel guilty and feel like I should ring him to make the peace but as my ex messed with my head I find it hard to tell which of us is being unreasonable. What should I do? Please tell me if I am being a twat!

OP posts:
Yokel · 18/11/2012 16:39

Frankly, OP, if you want a man who is comfortable talking about 'difficult things', then perhaps you should ditch this one. Because he plainly isn't.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/11/2012 16:45

I agree with Yokel. This man isn't comfortable taking about the nasty stuff of life so he's the wrong man for you OP. I asked earlier how long you'd been seeing each other because maybe what he's hoping for is some light-hearted dating and what you're hoping for is something a bit more heavy-duty serious?

shoobydoo · 18/11/2012 16:50

Most of the time he's great at talking, it's just sometimes he does a runner or subject change when things get a bit heavy. I find it a bit childish but it seems to be something to do with to his issues. We've been together a year and a half and I think it's worth sticking with him and trying to find a better way of doing things together.
Anyway he just did a very good apology and I apologised to him and maybe I can explain to him a bit better what I'd like him to do when I talk about stuff like that. So resolved! Thanks for all your comments

OP posts:
ashesgirl · 18/11/2012 16:56

I'm glad to hear this OP. If he's apologised, it sounds like he does care and just didn't handle it well.

Tilpil · 18/11/2012 20:12

I would just talk to him I am one of those people watch for the little things he does to support you like make a cup of tea my dh is the same and it's little things a quick squeeze of the hand we just don't know what to say and show it in little ways that we care. When he can talk about it you won't know he will just drop it into conversation

howdoo · 18/11/2012 21:04

If we're talking about shit advice, can I also say that "I always think if you can hold out after an argument it's a good thing. If you can wait for him to call you I would..." qualifies.

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