If you had the opportunity to email the OW, would you?

[doinmybest]

My husband has recently left me for a woman he had an affair with last year. Their feeling were too strong.......blah blah. I have found her email address and have the urge to tell her what he said about her last time, the things hes saying to me now - keeping his options open obviously, and generally point out his flaws. Childish or an opportunity not to be missed?

That is the only way to do it. Anything less than maintaining a dignified silence towards the ow gives them opportunity, real or imagined, to 'bond' against you.

When I discovered my H had been in contact with an ex girlfriend for 2 years I demanded her phone number which he gave me straight away. All he said was "she'll tell you I love you and friendship is all it is"!
I called her the following day and sure enough that's what she said. She didn't fancy him apparentely! I'm ashamed to say that I ended up apologising and crying. What message did that convey!
About a month later I sent a text to which the the reply was - yes you do need to learn to trust again and believe it or not people of opposite sex can just ne friend! How dare she! I did reply only to be confronted by my H because of course she phoned him to tell him I'd text.
I know it's really hard but not a good idea to get in touch because it just makes you more angry.
What I'm now finding difficult is that he has no intention of being with her so I've got to forgive and forget. he has deceived me and I'm finding it hard at times not to look at him and eliebe that he isn't/hasn't contacted her since. I'll never know 100%.

I fight this all the time. I would love to let her know how much she helped hurt me, what she helped do to my children (for which I would like to kill her [not literally]), ask her what she was thinking, what he said to her, what she got out of it, WHY?

Because, being a woman she would be able to tell me the story.

But then my rational self kicks in, it wasn't about her, she got used, she won't be able to give me any answers that will take the pain away, I could get hurt more...

Until the next time I have to fight the urge.