I need some advice - I walked out: he's left

[glitternanny]

God I don't even know how last night happened. We've been together nearly 4 years and have a son who will be one next week ;(

We rowed, over something silly - it got worse - i got really angry and really defensive - cos of course its always all my fault, for bitching at him, for not listening to him, for sniping and getting grumpy and being moody.

I lost my temper and needed to get out of being told how awful a person I am, so I grabbed the baby and left. He said if I walked out he wouldn't be here when I got back.

And he's not.

I text him mum as I left and asked her to call him and checked when I got to my friends she had (I always had plans to be there with the baby last night with OH? was at work on nights)

I got texts from him for about an hour saying he needed his family- but I wouldn't understand that - I've got what I wanted now - I should be happy. I never wanted this, never wanted to have a baby and then be on my own.

I'm not saying I'm a saint, I just couldn't handle being at fault anymore,

I do love him, we did have good times. but they did feel like such an effort.

I guess now I need to work out what I want - do I wanna try again - or give up and work out what happens now.

He owes me a LOT of money :( I know stupid stupid - I THINK I could cope if he didn't pay anything but towards our son (according to csa he should be giving me £47 a week) I'm sure my parents would help me and I could renegotiate loans etc if I needed to.

I'm such a mess, I don't even know what I'm thinking/feeling

Anyone with any advice or questions to try and work out what to do now gratefully recieved.

Could you text him and say that you would like things to work out with him and would he consider going to couples counselling with you so you can talk without rowing, if nothing else it would help you work as co-parents better.

I suggested couples counselling a few months ago and the response I got was "if you want to"

You both had a row last night
You walked out
He told you he'd leave if you did so

And you've already checked the CSA calculator?

Not much of a relationship to salvage if you are making plans to go forward alone if the dust has yet to settle on a spat.

So, it's either more deep seated than one row. Or you are both being stubborn and child like.

yes i've checked the calculator- i'm a planner - not that finances would make me stay where I wasn't happy- i just wanted to know.

we argue quite a lot - and the same shit gets said - this wasn't a one off.

yes probably both stubborn and childlike - not that he'd admit that