Hi everyone, I've been searching the internet for ages for the right forum and i'm still not sure but going to give this one a go. Here is my background: when I was 6 my dad died and my mum died when I was 11, so its fair to say i didn't have they easiest of childhoods. As a coping mechanism, a lot of my past is a black 'blur' and I struggle to remember things. I moved in with my elderly auntie and uncle who brought me up and as much as possible i had a stable life from then on- i worked hard at school, got decent grades and went to uni even though i didn't want to. I graduated last year, and unsure what to do afterwards, applied for a pgce in maths (i wasn't sure but I had to do something and it was what my family wanted). I got on the course and started it in September, still feeling unsure, thinking that it was meant to be and that i'd be okay. How wrong i was. Because of my memory lapses, i have a lot of maths to learn and its bringing back painful memories for me. I saw a counsellor briefly before starting and we established that change is something that causes me anxiety and i dont cope well with. Well this course is all change, new places and new things all the time, and i feel SO overwhelmed. I have no confidence at all with any of it and cant see how it is going to improve.
Now here is the other issue :(
About 5 weeks ago i found out i was pregnant. My initial thought was that i wanted to get rid of it. It definitely wasn't planned, timing couldn't be much worse and me and my boyfriend had said if it happened to us that's what we would do. but of course when i said that i never thought it would happen to me!! I hoped he would change his mind, but he didn't, so I was booked in for an abortion (November 6th). We both cried all morning and I couldn't focus and get myself ready, my boyfriend dressed me and got me ready i was just led on the floor upset. I spent several hours at the hospital crying and I wasn't 100% sure and after what was a horrible experience, I changed the appointment. There was only one available date (next Tuesday) which is exactly 12 weeks, the last time they will do it for me. The issue is that 1: i still don't want an abortion, but my family, my boyfriend and his mum don't wouldn't be happy and 2: I'm in placement in schools and im worried about the physical and mental repercussions of this :(.
my bf admitted that he was having feelings towards the baby that he was fighting with but still felt the same about getting rid of it. I've been trying (and failing) to sort my head out but to no avail- i wanted to see a counsellor but as im in schools its not possible as they work weekdays (normal hours). About 18 months ago (we have been together 1 year) my bf attempted suicide after a break up. He was depressed for a while and told no one. He has now told me that if i continue with the pregnancy, while he will support me he thinks he might end up back down that road. I'm torn because i love him and don't want that, but i feel like that could be me if i go through with this. It seems i can be happy and no one else, or everyone else but not me and that hurts. i don't know what to do and could really do with some advice/ support! :( I've lost all interest in anything including my PGCE work which I was hating anyway
thanks
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Feel like I'm going to have a breakdown
nemogirl1 · 14/11/2012 19:39
First of all - the others are right, you come across as very mature and well able to cope with this. Secondly the PGCE is a useful qualification - it doesn't mean you have to teach. I know someone who hated teaching but got a job in the education department of a charity and prepared their material for schools. There aren't tons of jobs like that around but don't underestimate the value of the qualification if you can get it. If I understand you correctly you have a maths degree? that's one of the most useful to have for alternative careers in sectors like banking etc.
It's clear you want this baby, to be honest if you have an abortion i don't think the relationship will survive - he will always be the man who forced you into it. It's great that you have a family you believe will support you, his don't sound very nice to be honest.
This decision is yours and yours alone though - even without support from your family you can do this if you choose to. Yes babies are hard work - but you have coped with a class of schoolkids 
Also, you can afford yourself a bit more time to make your decision. If you take a look at the NHS website it explains the different termination procedures, and you certainly have a few more weeks to decide.
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/How-is-it-performed.aspx
It might also be worth calling BPAS on 08457 304030 to talk through your options.
It does sound very much like you want to go ahead with the pregnancy, though. And maybe putting your studies on hold for a bit will give you time to consider what path you do eventually want to take. You already have a degree so you're in a fantastic position.
As I said in my previous post, I think it would be really helpful if you could get away for the weekend - maybe stay with an old friend if you're not ready to talk to your family. The main thing is to give yourself some breathing space away from your boyfriend and his mum, particularly given her views on babies out of wedlock.
Best of luck whatever you decide to do
Don't they think having a baby is grounds for pausing your training? 
Or didn't you tell them about that bit?
I'm with Garlic's comment of a couple of days ago on this, I must say. The boyfriend is far too immature to be married and has far too many of his own issues going on. You'd end up being his therapist and third parent. You have to make your mind up on the basis of what is good for you, and actually, what is good for the baby too - which isn't necessarily being born (though I admit I'd err on the side of keeping it in most situations, but that's my choice).
Hi nemo, so glad you've talked it through and made the decision that feels right for you - it must be a big weight off your mind.
Hope that both your families come to see this as a positive thing for you too.
I still think it's important that you spend some time away from your partner and his mum, though - whether it's seeing more of your family or making more of an effort with friends. You're a young girl and don't have to be doing housework or sat watching TV with his mum - enjoy yourself, enjoy your pregnancy!
best wishes
My 16 yr old niece recently dropped that bombshell I'm not going to say it went down well because initially it didn't but people soon get used to the idea, when I had my last baby my then partner and I weren't even living in the same country as each other, barely even on speaking terms actually I had just lost my job and was in a two bed flat with my two daughters needless to say no one thought it was ideal timing or circumstances to be adding to the brood!! However babies are very good at bringing people together and as your going to be a parent your first job is standing up for him/her that kinda starts now however they react you've just gotta take it on the chin but I wouldn't wait too long or they will know you've been keeping it from them, this won't go down well!! Once you know baby is well as healthy you need to get them on board when you do tell them explain you know it's not ideal but what's done is done and you would appreciate support through this make sure you have words with your bf too prior to this and tell him he has to back you all the way especially in front of family!!! My little surprise has just turned three life is much more settled now and we are all very happy as no doubt you and your family will be too
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