I feel as if I'm fast losing the plot and need some MN advice please!
Sorry in advance as this will be long but I'll try to keep it concise...
I live alone with my 6 week old DS - the best thing that's happened to me. His father finished with me when I told him I was pregnant (we've known each other 5 years, and lived together 1 1/2 years at this point). His reasons - that we'd not been getting on well, bad timing - he's a mature student, and that we didn't have the 'X factor' that would want him to take our relationship to the next level.
Stupidly, instead of kicking him out, I allowed him to continue to live with me as I hoped he would change his mind and he had no where else to go at the time.
6 months later he moved to his mothers house at the start of the summer break from college.
Background: He became friends with a woman in his 1st year who started to confide in him about her terrible marriage, emotionally abusive husband, and she would bring her daughter to meet him in the holidays etc. I was very uncomfortable about this, but he accused me of being needy, jealous, irrational etc.
He eventually stopped talking about her and I didn't ask any more. Then just before I found I was pregnant, his phone rang when he was out of the room so I went to pick it up seeing it was one of his friends calling. It rang off but the list of previous calls came up - all of them from her...
Again, when I confronted him about this he said they were just friends and he was helping her with college work.
So then I was pregnant and things happened as above.
He stayed in regular contact whilst at his mums, and was at the birth. He now adores our son and visited regularly. We had a lovely time together when he was born and I started to hope that we could work as a family unit. I didnt say anything to XP but cooked for him, and made life very easy for him when he was round. He always slept in the spare room.
However 2 weeks ago I found out that he lied to me, and has been having a relationship with the woman from college. I feel gutted. And so angry.
I demanded to know the truth and he told me that it only became physical 4 weeks ago (when our baby was 2 weeks old).
I am angry because he has already taken her to lovely places on dates where he never bothered with me.
He had been whingeing that he cannot manage his college work, seeing the baby etc - not enough time - now I know why!
She had obviously seen him as a way out of her crap marriage and set her cap at him. Although he obviously did not put any barriers in place either.
What kind of woman dives into a relationship with a man who has a new baby without even making a clean break from her marriage? She still lives with her husband (although they are 'separated').
I feel that she is needy (he previously only liked independent women) and devious and he's worse. Only I still have to see him as he's my baby's father.
He makes me sick - he couldn't keep it in his pants longer that 2 weeks after the birth of his son.
So how do I deal with my confused feelings for him? I hate him but need his support as I'm alone. My family live abroad.
I can't bear to think of them together, and I'm raging that they have taken my thoughts away from my precious baby with their duplicity and lies.
Sorry this is so long, but I really feel as if I'm losing it. I'm scared I may get PND as my mood is so variable but mostly low. I cant eat or sleep. Please help me.