Your reasons for staying within this to date are to be frank appalling and reason 6 is just selfish on your part. He should not be the glue to hold the two of you together; infact you and your H should not be together at all now. Divorce does not necessarily ruin childrens lives; parents in abusive marriages hanging on for spurious reasons ruins childrens lives.
What do you think you and this man are teaching your child about relationships. Two words currently suffice - damaging lessons.
Amongst all of that reason 4 is particularly bad, how can you stay now knowing yourseld that you do not see a future for us as a married couple?. What is there to love about him exactly, what do you get out of this now?. Do you know what love is?. It certainly is not with this person.
He is patently NOT a good father to his child let alone H if he has treated his wife, the person he professes to love, with such contempt. Your son has also learnt such damaging stuff from his father as well as you and may well grow up to replicate such controlling patterns within his own adult relationships. Have you considered that along with the possibility that your son probably knows far more about his unhappy homelife than you would care to admit?.
Children are perceptive and they can pick up on all the bad vibes at home; he knows all about yours and his dad's parallel lives and his dad's private war engaged with you.
However, it is never too late to break free of such control and you can still limit the ongoing damage already done even now. You and your son are paying a high price for being controlled by this person; you are both in emotional pain already. Divorcing your H may well be the freedom that you both need and themaking of both of you; you are truly in a gilded cage of his own making.
You can break free of this controlling man - and controlling behaviours like he has shown in 1-10 are all abusive. He is a textbook controller; this is precisely how they operate. Abuse is not just about physical violence; its mental violence as well these people do. He has also deliberately isolated you and withheld funds (financial abuse); again all are hallmarks of controlling men.
Why has he done this; well in your case it is because he can (abuse is about power and control and he can control you) and you have become conditioned over the years to accept his ill treatment of you. Abuse like this as well is insidious in its onset and it was likely there in the early days of your relationship as well. You either minimised it to yourself or ignored it but such abuse can and does escalate as has happened here over time. He likely targetted you.
If you were to read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft perhaps the scales would fall further from your eyes. Another publication I would suggest is "Living with the Dominator" written by P Craven. These are on Amazon.
Read the UKs Womens Aid website (they are on the web) and make a plan to escape him. Enlist the help of all your friends and reach out to your family again. The first step to get out of such abuse is often the most difficult of steps to take but ultimately take it you must. One day your son will leave home, what then for you?. You (and by turn your son) cannot afford to waste any more of your life living such a pitiful half existance.