Grr... My mum keeps slagging off my dad.

[colditz]

And she encourages my 16 year old sister to do the same. They split up 2 years ago, he left her in a very cowardly fashion, but he is still our dad. I am really really pissed off that she is encouraging my sister to ignore his phone calls, not answer the door to him, ask him for money etc. It's bloody dispicable behavior and I never thought she would sink this low.

I want to ring her and tell her all this, but it will end in a row if I put it like that. How can I put it so she sees my point, and more importantly, stops doing it!?

I would express it as concern for your sister and how it could affect her relationships. Perhaps speak to your sister first and see how she feels about it? Stuff like this becomes a habit and it gets harder to stop. I really think your mum is in the wrong. I can understand why she does it but your sister needs are more important. Your mum's relationship with your dad is over but your sister's carries on.

Dh's ex slagged him off to their dd for years and it has damaged her a great deal.

Good luck as these things are not easy, especially if your mum is not willing to hear what you have to say.

Thanks Beansprout. I just know that she will twist it round to make it sound like me being stupid. i am dreading the conversation, but TBH, I hate to see her doing this to the relationship between my dad and my sister. She is poisoning it.

And if I say that I will get "Oh FGS, you are so bloody melodramatic about everything, it's ridiculous!"

well, I rang her, had a perfectly adult conversation with my sister (she grumbled about him nagging about her GCSEs).

Then got my mum on the phone, who went all frosty, then laughed at me, and said I had to be joking. then she accused me of over reacting, then she did that 'rolling eyes', whatever, voice, then when I tried to insist that she not slag our dad off in front of her, she said "i'm not having this conversation any more" and put the phone down.

I'm nearly 26, ffs, why to I allow myself to react like a child when we fall out? I've been in tears, it's pathetic.

I sympathise, it's hard to be an adult with someone who treats you like a child. I always think (with my mother - )this: if you stood in front of a cardboard cut-out of a person and sneered at them spoke to them like a child, told them to stop being silly and accused them of overdramatising, then anyone watching/listening would assume that that cardboard cut-out was a silly, melodramatic, childish person!! It's pure, practised manipulation by your mum, she is disempowering you by treating you as though you are being unreasonable, even though you are clearly not. I know what it's like - horrible, and frustrating. You're doing the right thing by trying to intervene on behalf of your sister. I hope at some level your mum is getting the message, even if she can't let you see it.

wow Greensleeves - that's really well put. You don't know my Mum by any chance do you?
Thanks for that.
Good luck colditz - sounds like you have your work cut out for you there..