Advice needed about husbands friends

[needtoask]

My husband moved out of the family home 6 weeks ago, he is currently being tested for an ASD, we have a 11 month dd. His behaviour and rituals were becoming increasingly bad, we both have kept the reasons from our family and friends, however they are aware of the separation, the break up is really amicable as my husband has a very sick father who adores our daughter, tbh we are closer now than ever before and we both love each other but I just at this moment cannot live with him if that makes any sense.

Anyhow a situation came up with our daughters godparents last week, we asked his best friend and his wife and two of my close friends.

The godfather has a birthday coming up soon and basically my husband is the only one invited, as it is a surprise occasion his wife the other godmother has organised the invites fully.

My husband emailed her the other day and asked why I was not invited, her reply was that basically if we are not together I was not invited, she stated in her email that she assumed that the break up was nasty, my husband explained to her that it wasn't and he told her that he did not want to fall out with her however he feels the way I have been disregarded is very rude of her.

I am a little bothered but not as much as my husband, my husband and I regret now asking her to be our dd godmother, we both feel that this is not a positive attitude we want around our daughter, my husband and I did not want any of this at all or for people to take sides and disregard each other, my husband is ready to tell her that she respects us both or not at all, thx for reading

[Offred]

He will still be her dad if you do separate though, you'll probably need emotional as well as physical space from each other if you do decide to properly separate and that might be difficult for a time. You can choose to leave someone lovely who you love but can't actually cope with, that is ok, it is a valid choice. You have a lot going on just now and can see why you might want to wait until later, keep it private and think it over but this kind of thing is inevitably going to happen and I suppose the only way around it, to keep the privacy and space is to just go along with the separation appearance while you get space to decide properly.

[Offred]

Absolutely don't see it as a slight on you and if dh is not good with social rules perhaps explain the rules of the "separation" to him and what other people will see/feel/do.

[needtoask]

I think what is happening with dh at the moment is he has not fully come to terms with the changes that come with an all out separation, he is very sensitive over things and he feels guilty that I appear to be pushed out in his own mind from the godparents, which is honestly ok by me, the last thing I want now for is it to destroy his friendship, he feels that she may of shown some respect towards me as a person, that is all.

Tbh the friendship with them is very one sided, I see that but don't interfere or tell dh as I feel he can realise that in his own time, a full out fall out is inevitable with these friends/godparents, but not right now, I am not going to allow it to happen over this.