An Abrupt Boss - help needed

[Wecanfixit]

Hi I work in an all female team have just moved to this new team 4 months ago , but being doing same job for 18 years, I find that one of my immediate bosses is very abrupt with me and no-one else , I have tried to bend over backwards to
be helpful and conscientous, things seemed to have improved for a bit, now they have taken a backwards step,she umdermines me at every turn , the job is full on and can be stressful for us all, she has limited experience in this field where as I have 20 years experience , do not know how to make the situation better but it is getting me down and my other colleagues have noticed this too, one problem she is the bosses best friend ! so I feel I can not say anything or make waves.

She probably feels intimidated to the fact you have 20 years experience. If it was me in this situation then I would take her in to a meeting room and have a quiet word with her asking if you have done anything to upset her and state the reasons why you think this. I am not sure what the culture at your company is like but I have had to do this in the past with a work colleague and also a previous boss and it soon sorted them out as they were not expecting it. There is no need to be nasty just very direct and to the point in a polite friendly way. If you try to ignore the problem then she will probably continue to be like this throughout the rest of your employment.
Never mind that she is the bosses best friend, she needs to sort her act out and you deserve better and should be treated with the respect you had before this silly woman turned up.

I've just taken over a team where I have less experience than all the team and added to which one of my direct reports is someone I have known for over 20 years, although not a close friend. (Hope you're not one of mine OP!) I would hope that I treat everyone in a consistent and fair manner and if it appeared I wasn't, I'd want any member of my team to be able to approach me and tell me how they are feeling. Ask for a 1-1 and tell them how you're feeling. Good luck.

Bethebest has hit the nail on the head perhaps your boss suspects you have your eyes on her job and fears you have an advantage with greater experience. Agree that you should talk to her before this escalates, is there a performance review coming up? For now I would soothe and allay fears you are angling for her job maybe along the lines of a quiet word out of earshot of anyone else,
"Just wanted to say really pleased to be working here, suits me brilliantly, I hope you'll let me know if there are any adjustments to make. I just want to do my job well and stay part of the team". You shouldn't have to do it but try something low key, non confrontational first.