Sorry long post alert! It's really just as the title suggests - I think I want to leave my P, don't think I love him anymore most of the time (although other times I think I do still love him), feel increasingly irritated by almost everything he does.
I cannot work out if it is a symptom of my own issues though, as in a lot of ways things between us are significantly better than they were when our DS was born 3 years ago (I have an older DD from a prev relationship and we live as a family 
). I've been having counselling for unrelated (to our relationship) issues from my past and it has brought out a lot of clarity in other ways but seems to be bringing out confusion as to whether I should leave P. It has brought up a lot of anger in me which sometimes I feel I may be transferring onto P without good reason, just because he is "there" and he is male.
Our main issues are -
He works long hours in his job which incidentally he hates and pays a lot less than he could get with his qualifications, but refuses to get another one because he has a lot of autonomy in his job and wouldn't like - in his words - "some spotty faced teenager telling me what to do" (ie a boss, like normal people have). This means that we are stuck with the kids hardly seeing him, me needing to do 95% of childcare and housework despite working 26 hours a week myself, and also me having to pay 50% of all household bills even though I work less hours because his wage is so bad. All of this because he refuses to even look for a job which doesn't involve working 80-odd hours a week for the same as a 40-hour minimum wage job which would enable us to have some kind of family life. (he is self employed contractor). It suits him although he says he hates it and is generally miserable sod at times and blames it on work.
His mother is an alcoholic and they are so co-dependent it's unreal. She treats him like shit one minute and idolises him the next. He doesn't treat her very nicely, he treats her like a doormat has no respect for her (not surprised tbh) but will go into a rage if anyone dares challenge her / challenge him about her. This has caused problems. My father was an alcoholic and also my uncle so I realise I may be biased in saying this and over-reacting because I'm scared due to my own history, but I do worry about P's relationship with alcohol too. He doesn't drink every night, he can go for days without seemingly with no ill effects on him, but he does have drink around 4-5 nights a week, sometimes only a couple other times more. He goes to the pub for about 2 hours sometimes more about 3 nights a week after work and there is always a "reason" to go - he needs to speak to so-and-so about plumbing (could call them), it's football (tv in house) , it's tennis (ditto) etc. I wouldn't mind so much if we had any time together but we don't we literally have about an hour a day if that together and close to zero time all 4 of us, and it makes me resentful that he could work those couple of hours, get the jobs finished and get some time with us. He knows this so that's why he sounds contrite on the phone if in the pub and makes up the reasons why he is going in. And social events are usually a marathon of "lets drink as much as I can as fast as possible and embarrass namechange" (although many people in our social circle are the same). It just seems he places a bit too much importance on alcohol. I'm not sure about this one. When I bring it up he says he is doing nothing wrong, drinks a lot less than he did when we met (true, he was a single "lad" when we met and drinks a bit less now) and he won't have his character brought into question by me . He does underestimate the amount of times he goes to the pub though, last night he said that was the first time he's been in there in weeks - it's 5 times in the past 2 weeks actually!
He is full of contradictions ie he will be sure of a belief / opinion one week and the next have totally changed his mind completely and done a 360 turn now believing the opposite strongly. One week he is going to save up for a far for us to live on the next week he is opening a butcher shop. It sounds daft, but it makes me not trust him in a way because he doesn't seem to know himself what he thinks, so I can't trust what he says. Everyone changes their minds, but he does it almost constantly and contradicts himself. So things he says I just sort of roll my eyes inside and go "yeah right wait til next week". And usually everything is anyone else's fault but his own in his mind also.
I'm just seeing him as pathetic / dogmatic (he is) more and more now and cannot find love or respect for him I used to have, even though sometimes I still see it.
He can be unpleasant to be around if we argue he can be vicious / O.T.T verbally, but fine of we don't argue.
He does have his redeeming points but I don't see much of them - he 99% of time is reliable, does pay his half of bills, will do housework if he is in (trouble is he is never in to do it - when he's had a rare holiday off work he will do housework), he is personable as a friend but I don't think he is good as a partner I have since realised (has taken me a while). I don't think I love him anymore but I'm reluctant to leave due to what his reaction would be (angry and spiteful but not violent, but it would be ALL HER FAULT, SHE LEFT ME FOR NO REASON in his mind) and also the DC would be devastated, especially the eldest as he is the only dad she has known (he real dad disappeared when found out I was pregnant years ago).
So it makes me, as my mother says - "dither" , but I am not happy, feel like I am always waiting for him to be in the pub instead of waiting for me to spend time together if I'm on a late shift, waiting for yet more invitations from my friends he won't attend because he is "working", I find myself being angry with him just being in the same presence, like I am just prolonging the inevitable.
Many thinks for reading if you have even got down to this point, and nay advice would be welcomed.