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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

if you are in doubt....

52 replies

fortoday · 01/11/2012 07:55

I have read this before- but wanted to share it;
MADE ME CRY MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ... ?When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I?ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn?t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn?t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn?t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn?t love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn?t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn?t want anything from me, but needed a month?s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month?s time and she didn?t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month?s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.I told Jane about my wife?s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.My wife and I hadn?t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don?t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn?t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn?t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.Suddenly it hit me? she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it?s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn?t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office?. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind?I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won?t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn?t value the details of our lives, not because we didn?t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I?ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.? At least, in the eyes of our son?- I?m a loving husband?.The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.So find time to be your spouse?s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!If you don?t share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life?s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/11/2012 09:00

Too long, I couldn't be arsed.

Is it one of those sappy arse emails people forward to others without reading themselves?

Never mind, who cares?

Waffleonandon · 01/11/2012 09:16

Blush thanks Chickens Blush - I seriously feel like starting my own 'completely-made-up-but-tr00-honest-pass-this-round-with-a-nice-picture-you-found-on-Google-and-life-will-be-better' stories to flood facebook with sometimes but I don't think they'd be taken as well away from MN

BethFairbright · 01/11/2012 09:36

God these things are awful aren't they? Why is the OW always called Jane in these fictitious bits of mawkishness, that's what I want to know?

Of course the postscript would read:

"After the funeral I realised I'd got no-one so I contacted Jane and told her my wife had sworn me to secrecy about her terminal illness. I told Jane I hadn't ended our relationship because I didn't love her and wanted out, I was just trying to do the right thing. I begged Jane for another chance at our love...."

WhoNickedMyName · 01/11/2012 09:41

This just made me vomit a bit in my mouth.

And Beth that postscript... so true!

helpyourself · 01/11/2012 10:12

Boak- hadn't read to the end, that's truly vom worthy!

joblot · 01/11/2012 10:32

tiredofwaiting that's the best laugh I've had all week

nkf · 01/11/2012 13:06

I was once sent some hideous story about a snotty little boy who was embarrased by his mother wearing ab rye patch. Turned out she'd given him one of her eyes.

nkf · 01/11/2012 13:07

An eye patch. No cereal involved.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 01/11/2012 13:12

nkf
Love it Grin
Medically and surgically impossible, but hey ho.

TomsBentPinky · 01/11/2012 13:12

One of those stupid piece of shit sympathy things someone posts on their FB pages?

Confused

Let me guess, if I don't send it to 5 other people within 5 mins I will have bad luck for 5 years?

LapsedPacifist · 01/11/2012 13:25

Is this meant to be an advert for "Surrendered Wives 'R' Us"??

Wifey doesn't even get her cancer treated so as not to Worry the Menz?

Jeez! Shock Shock Shock

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 01/11/2012 13:26

Oh sweet Jesus...what is this shit??

expatinscotland · 01/11/2012 13:27

I'd defriend anyone who sent me such a load of shit, especially if they did it in the format of that OP! Even my eyes are offended by that.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 01/11/2012 13:31

joblot the FB story re the boy and the lipstick was posted by someone who said everyone should 'share this if your against child abuse'

I put a sarcastic comment with a link to the NSPCC website suggesting that a monthly subscription might be more effective.

She 'unfriended' me, not much of a loss really as she was one of those FB 'friends' who friend you when you don't really know them so you just accept to humour them/not hurt their feelings (I am a bit of a cow so don't have many of those, must have been feeling a bit sentimental that day).

Needless to say, I didn't share the story, because I am FOR child abuse. And my NSPCC subscription is just so much deep cover.

Pagwatch · 01/11/2012 13:31

Oh dear god. What a pile is streaming shite.

Why do people seek the meaning of life and relationships in mawkish made up guff.
Why not just go about your business being nice and considerate then ou rarely need to reach some moment of clarity via the Internet or a hallmark card.

Why not just sew 'try not to be a cunt. It's usually for the best' into a sampler.

Poledra · 01/11/2012 13:34

A flowery cunt, p'raps, Pag?

Am in total agreement with the steaming pile o' shite assessment.

BethFairbright · 01/11/2012 13:37

'streaming shite' a la Pag has now put another unpleasant image in my head, especially as I've recently posted on the anal sex thread Wink

Pagwatch · 01/11/2012 13:42

I never read anal sex threads. Ever.

BethFairbright · 01/11/2012 13:48

Neither do I, unless as in this case it's to take a swipe at yet another bloke trying to patronise the ladeez about how they're so like, repressed and prudish. So in a roundabout way I asked him whether in the interests of sexual equality, him and his mates were prepared to take something up the bum like they expect ladeez to. No reply yet. Funny that.......

MissMogwi · 01/11/2012 13:50

I've seen this on Facebook before.

I thought it was bollocks then too.

Heleninahandcart · 01/11/2012 17:57

Bollocks and utterly vile with it.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 01/11/2012 18:06

I LOL'd copiously.

A mahoosive load of mawkish, mysognistic bullshit.

FrighteningPuffin · 01/11/2012 18:12

I was bloody searching for that the other day Angry

I wanted to win the Shitest thing you've ever seen on Facebook competition

Sorry OP it's the biggest bag o' arse I've ever read.

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2012 18:54

That is the worst piece of writing I've ever read. I hope you did copy and paste it, OP, and not write it yourself.

needsomeperspective · 03/11/2012 21:01

I never thought anything could be more poorly written and full of mysoginistic claptrap than fifty shades of grey but t seems I was wrong.