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Original poster

Partners who don't contribute

17 replies

choccybox · 31/10/2012 13:44

Hi all

I have been in a relationship for 4 years, in that time he moved in with me and have 2yo. My partner does not work, he contributes sometimes 400 pm, sometimes nothing (he has an income of £800 from investment).

I work ft in well paid job however pay all bills, food, childcare (nursery 3 days pw) and anything else (days out etc). I feel taken advantage of and now have no respect for partner. I want him 2 leave but he won't. How can I get out of this awful situation, I feel like he is sucking the life out of me!

Advice please

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/10/2012 13:45

Is your house in your name? Rented? Owned?

Original poster
choccybox · 31/10/2012 13:48

It's rented and in my name.

OP posts:
Bagofspiders · 31/10/2012 13:50

Is your DH a stay at home dad?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/10/2012 13:50

In that case the next time he goes out you call a locksmith and get the locks changed.

Job done, and he cannot do anything.

Do you think he might get violent? If so, then call the police.

Original poster
choccybox · 31/10/2012 13:51

Child at nursery 3 days a week, he will collect him from nursery as I finish late but no not ft sahp.

OP posts:
Original poster
choccybox · 31/10/2012 13:53

We have a child so I would like an amicable separation. Think if I just changed the locks it would have an adverse effect on relationship with LO.

OP posts:
bran · 31/10/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bran · 31/10/2012 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shinyshoes1 · 31/10/2012 14:02

you've got to grow a pair and just change the locks.

As for having an adverse affect on the little one atm she/he doesn't have a clue and if LO does then he's caused the adverse effect by not going voluntarily.

2 choices

  1. he goes voluntarily
  2. he is forced out
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 31/10/2012 14:04

He is the one preventing things from being amicable, not you.

Of course he won't go. He has a paltry income and seemingly no inclination to increase it. You are his mealticket.

colditz · 31/10/2012 14:07

Change the locks. Y cannot control the relationship he has with his daughter, and if he has any intention of being a good father he will be one. If he isn't a good father because you changed the locks, he had no intention of being a good father.

Look at it this way .... My ex used to hit me. Should that affect the relationship I have with my children?

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 31/10/2012 14:14

You are being taken advantage of. He has no incentive to leave, so no: you will not get an amicable split.

Time to gird yourself for an inimacable split.

Bagofspiders · 31/10/2012 14:15

I think maybe people are being a bit hysterical here. Just imagine if it were the other way round and the post were coming from a man!
So he's not a full time SAHP but he looks after DS 2 days a week and does nursery pick ups on 2. And he sometimes contributes some money - what does he do with the rest of his investment money?
I really do get why you're frustrated OP, and I wouldn't be happy in the same situation.
Have you spoken to him about it? Do you think he would/ could change? And even if he did would you still want to carry on in the relationship?
Maybe he needs to know how you're feeling?

pregnantpause · 31/10/2012 14:21

I agree with others, he either leaves or he's forced. If he refuses to leave, he is giving you the option of forcing him out or just putting up with him. He obviously banks on the latter.

He will be a good/bad father regardless of his relationship with you. And really, whilst it is ideal to end it amicably, he's not allowing you that option is he? He refused to leave on amicable terms, that was his decision, he is behaving volatile already by refusing to leave YOUR home. The first stone has been thrown by him, so to speak.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR · 31/10/2012 14:21

If he's not on the tenancy you can just put him out, and if he refuses to go you can get the police to remove him if necessary. If he has no where to go it isn't your problem, but don'
t worry about it too much; a lazy cocklodger like this will soon find some desperate single mum to leech off.

Original poster
choccybox · 31/10/2012 14:35

I understand what you are all saying and yes it's likely that I do need to just get him out.

But yes he does collect his child from nursery and looks after him 1 full day and they have good relationship and he is full of ideas of things to do but they don't happen.

I don't know, i want things to change and feel tired with it all but think maybe he will change?

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 31/10/2012 15:27

He can collect his child from nursery and look after him one full day whether or not you stay together as a couple.

He will change only if he wants to change. Not if you want him to change.

Does he want to change?

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