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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me my marriage is in the gutter ......

32 replies

Mosschops30 · 30/03/2006 12:38

After months of things going wrong, nothing major, dh is a good dad, works hard etc. There are niggly things that annoy me, his total disrepect of my feelings (over argument with one of his friends), his parents lack of help even though we are struggling to pay childcare, his laziness, the fact he didnt get me a pressie from the kids for mothers day and said 'well you dont deserve one', his disgust at me being a student and not bringing home a 'proper' wage.
Last night we talked about divorce, neither of us seeing any other way out. He wont try relate and is unwilling to see my point of view about things because if I say 'you were rude to me' he just fires back 'well you were rude to me'!
I'm just so upset, I am not ready to be a single parent, I cant handle sharing the kids on Xmas and Birthdays, I know he will fight me for them and the house and I dont know what I am entitled to. I still love him and there is no-one else involved.
Just wondered if anyone could help Sad

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/03/2006 14:47

how about a trail separation? I know that's a terrible thing to suggest, but sometimes, it can give you time to have a think about where you are going, especially if he refuses counselling.

My ex-h and i separated before deciding that yes, we needed to divorce. and that was with counselling!

but in the separation, we both learned a lot about our selves, and when the time came to apply to divorce, it sort of took the edge off the end of our marriage - although it was still very painful, tbh.

anniemac · 30/03/2006 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 30/03/2006 15:02

isnt mumsnet bloody brilliant

gogently · 30/03/2006 16:06

Mosschops, childcare vouchers have gone up to £243 with the budget, its a good saving, good luck with taking to your dh

Mosschops30 · 30/03/2006 16:12

expat, we did discuss a trial separation last night but we didnt see how it would help our problems. I just dont know anyone that its really worked for. I am hoping tonight we can talk more, dd is out tonight so will also be easier, dont want her to have to listen to any of it

OP posts:
Molton · 31/03/2006 11:01

Can you take a day where it's just the 2 of you and do something fun that you both really like (maybe take a work / study "sickie" so childcare is sorted and play truant from your life / responsibilities etc.) aim being to remember the things that brought you together. Put all talk about the situation off limits for the day and hang out (seaside? fancy lunch in a hotel a couple of hours drive away? whatever works for you)

Won't solve the problems but will help you remember why it's worth working for......

p.s. Love Custardo's bum comment. I have prepared a little bikini line surprise for my dh this evening, as part of ongoing marriage rehab...

squeekysue · 31/03/2006 12:43

who fucking gives stop moaning you silly bitch

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