For the last 18m my partner has had depression and after attempting to strangle me with a comupter wire he left our home in May this year citing that he needed "to be 100% selfish and have zero responsibilty in order to get better" his family blamed me for his illness and cut me and my children out of their lives (i'd previously tried to speak to my MIL 3 times about how bad it was getting at home...but her son could never be at fault for anything)
After 3 months, I was doing ok treading water and my girls were fine then he came and asked to come back (btw whilst we were split he went on a boy's holiday, endless trips to the pub etc from someone who couldnt even make a packed lunch in the morning!!) he'd come off his anti-d's, finished councilling and gone back to work after 5m off. I was unsure but thought that I still loved him and the girls needed their Dad that it was the right thing to do. His mum said that he was to keep me away from them all to avoid any arguments as they dont think i'm good enough for him (should point out that i'm well educated in a professional job, he is a postman)- I SWEAR on my girls lives aside from his sister saying I slammed the door in her face and me saying I didnt I have never argued with any of them. So I took him back and have struggled with the decision I made...think I made a real mistake but believed that we could make it work as the love is still there. However, one of the main points of contention is MIL attitude and the lack of respect shown towards me and my girls and just how unfair and unjust the entire situation seems.
On Sunday night he had been drinking heavily in the pub and came home with food, we started arguing about him taking so long then that spiralled into me saying some very hurtful things about his mum (I'm ashamed of this! I basically said she would blow him if she could as she would do anything to stop us being a family) he flipped and went for me as I stepped back scared he laughed at me. I asked him to leave the house and he refused he then ended up on top of me on the couch trying to strangle me. My 10 yr old came down screaming at him and he said to her 'I'm going to f++king kill your mum and i'm going to stab your dad' (10yr old is not his, 2yr old is) he got off me and I sent her upstairs then he went for me again and again she came down to intervene. I asked him to leave he point blank refused, went upstairs packed his stuff and then sat on the couch citing various reasons why we shouldnt be together. I couldnt get him to leave the house so I left him down stairs.
Yesterday, he worked till 6:30 and came here after work and was very apologetic and said he felt ashamed and would like for me to give us time to see if this situation can be healed.
I am so confused I know what I need to do, yet doing it is an entirely different matter. This situation with MIL is not going to be resolved and I am so angry about it. The fact that this is not the first time he has laid his hands on me and now my child has witnessed it to...his stuff is still packed, if he goes it will be permanent but I just can't seem to be able to bring myself to end it...advice please xx