Very first breakup - advice very much needed

[Melanthe]

Having the breakup talk in about an hour with a guy I've been seeing for around three months. I've been crying all day about it so I don't think I want to, but then I don't want him if he doesn't want me.

Any advice to retain my dignity? Any hope of this going well?

Better still, take a leaf from Bridget Jones' book and get a new better job.

I know this hurts, but I think you're blowing it completely out of proportion. As you've said, you weren't "official", it was a couple of months of occasional dates/sex, not a relationship. He's not interested in doing it again. Asking him for coffee to clear the air is daft because there's no air to clear - you slept together a few times, he doesn't want to anymore, so leave it at that.

You have got to brush it off because otherwise your desperation and over-investment in what was just a fling will become office gossip. You are not a bunny-boiler, so don't act like one.

Be civil, be polite, put it down to experience and treat him like any other colleague, because that's all he is. Concentrate on building your self-confidence and inner happiness, because no man can do that for you.

You're not being pathetic OP, of course it hurts like hell. All the logic in the world doesn't dissipate feeling that are that strong. I'm sorry for your pain.

It sounds like it is over. You need to protect yourself whilst you heal (and you will). Keep away from him as much as possible, decide whether the job is worth it, keep your friends near.

You deserve someone better. And you will have that in time.

You're not pathetic, it's perfectly normal to feel hurt. However, you will feel better in the long run if you don't make it obvious to him and everybody else that you're hurt. They are probably normal human beings and therefore well able to empathise with how you feel. If you deal with it publicly by being detached, professional and above all CIVIL (i.e. no little PA asides or bitchiness, as I have seen some people do) then you will gain added respect from your colleagues for your mature attitude. That's how I would feel as an observer in your workplace anyway.

In the meantime, I recommend mainlining chocolate for a week or so

Oh and delete his phone number/personal email address - you do NOT want access to these when drunk!!

Confused... If you were never an official couple, why do you need to "break up"??

Well, end it maybe not break up. I think we were a couple tbh - we had multiple dates a week, told each other families, went away for a weekend, went to events together. It never was official for work though.

Tbh I don't think I miss him, I just miss the times we had.

Mel it sounds like you are young. Can you take the wondrous discoveries you had in this relationship (and it was that) and use them to tell you about what you want. You will be able to find it with someone else in the future, I'm confident.

You have much better things ahead of you hun. Steer clear of him x