How do sibling relationships fare after the parents are gone?

[joanofarchitrave]

Just wondering this tonight. Have spent a weekend with a sibling of mine, their family and my mother. I feel very different from my sibling just now, and they don't get on with my DH. But they have lovely children who are my ds's cousins - I don't want to lose touch

Couldn't help seeing red when my sibling was explaining how most allergies are made up and that the most discriminated-against group in Britain today are white middle-class people....

What are you asking? If you and your sibling will like each other more after your mum dies? Hmmm... I would say it is very unlikely and that even fairly close relationships are really tested by grief.

What is your relationship actually like now? Is it that she says stuff that irritates you and you suck it up because you aren't close enough to argue it out or know each other and respectfully disagree about things?

Assuming it is a she

My annoying sibling is a brother.

Much closer TBH, you and your sibling are the only blood ties left from your past. Thats the way I found it anyway.

oh that's good news ophelia - that's what I hope. We have been closer in the past, I'm sure of it. I suppose I felt repelled by their views this weekend. But when there's a family crisis (such as a death/illness) I'll see them at their best I think.

My DB and I are wildly different with wildly different lifestyles. We live on different continents and on paper have nothing whatsoever in common. But our mother died when we were teenagers, and our father when we were still pretty young really, and we're incredibly close - only he has my shared history, only he knows what we went through. We talk at least once a week - he's my rock.

So yes, I think the only thing that is good to come out of bereavement/family trauma is that siblings can come together and realise that, while they may not like or understand everything about the other, the history and the shared genes and the memories count for an extraordinary amount. And that while other people are supportive, the support you want can only really come from someone who's had the same experience.

My mum lost both her parents within a fortnight, 20 yrs ago. She has 2 younger brothers and also said what Ophelia said.

Thank you.

I think it very much depends on your current relationship and also on what you choose to do when it happens actually. I think it is really common for families to fall apart when the parents die. www.experienceproject.com/question-answer/Do-Families-Fall-Apart-After-Our-Parents-Pass-Did-Yours/980597

my siblings are two half sisters and a half brother and one younger full brother , when my mum was a live we saw each other at family occasions and such, i always considered them as my brothers and sisters since my mum died they havent contacted me at all including my younger brother i am not that bothered

blimey issey , how long ago did she die?

I expect when my parents go my sister and I will never speak to each other again. Which is sad as she's my sister and I love her. But she irritates the life out of me and I can barely tolerate her now under our mothers watchful eye.