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Relationships

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Original poster

Am I over reacting, horrible weekend

18 replies

Orchidlady · 29/10/2012 16:20

Just want to check I am not overeacting as DP thinks I am. A bit of background, firstly our relationship has not be been great though past few weeks things seem to be improving. Both DP and I work full time, he works on a Saturday and I am left to do all housework. Anyway this Saturday I was expecting him @ 2.00, he did not have his mobile and so could not reach him, finally rocks up @ 8.00, pissed ( yes he was drinking and driving) I was on the point of calling to police as very worried, thought he could have been in an accident. Told him to leave me alone but he kept apologising. Then he gets a call on the mobile from a man he has been with all afternoon wants to speak with me, wtf. It just seemed so pathetic and made me even more angry anyway after being ignored for a while he then launched a verbal attack , calling me a nasty bitch, saying I am a control freak, saying he is totally entitled to life outside this house. Sorry waffle but am I being out of order for being still cross or should I just get over it. He is of course being as nice as pie but me

OP posts:

CogitoEerilySpooky · 29/10/2012 16:27

Not overreacting but I think you know that. The man he'd been with all afternoon.... was it some kind of attempt at an explanation or apology? Drunk driving, verbal abuse, accusations of control-freakery because you're annoyed at six hours lost in a pub? (Anyone calling me a bitch would be out of the door, I'm afraid) I'd let him be nice as pie for a lot longer. The humble variety...

discophile · 29/10/2012 16:28

Going out with his mates doesn't seem that bad to me. Drinking and driving, however, is appalling and he and you should both take it very seriously.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 29/10/2012 16:35

I am appalled at his stupidity, he is lucky I did not call the police as they would have thrown the book @ him, he needs his car for his job. He was not in the pub but this mans house and his wife. When he was thrusting to phone asking me to speak with this person, I think I used a few choice words

OP posts:

TeaTeaLotsOfTea · 29/10/2012 17:43

I hate that, when they expect you to speak to the person he's been with. Its like ringing your childs friends mother to check they have behaved while on a play date. so pathetic.

Would it be ok if you buggered off drinking for 6 hours without notice and unable to get hold of?

If the same rule doesn't apply to you then no you're not overreacting.

My rule is "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" and if he doesn't like that rule then he can bugger off.

Why should you wait around all day for some to be on the piss? sounds like a crap life to me.

pollyblue · 29/10/2012 17:49

seriously i think he's lucky.

In your shoes as soon as he appeared drunk, having driven home drunk, I'd have called the police. The arrogant selfish shit.

FML · 29/10/2012 18:35

You would of been unreasonable, had he let you know beforehand so you wouldn't worry, and he was contactable, and it wasn't a regular occurrence, and most importantly, he hadn't driven home drunk.

He is fucking lucky he is alive, and that he didn't kill or seriously injure anyone else. What an absolute selfish knobber!! And I don't think highly of the couple whose house he was at, for letting him drink and drive. I would of been straight onto the police!

Original poster

Orchidlady · 30/10/2012 10:22

Thanks all, when he does something like this he tries to make out that I am some mad jealous control freak and you know what I sometimes start to believe his shit. teatea exactly about speaking to these people, I could not put my finger on why it made me so mad but you summed it up. To make things worse DP was going to take DS to see the new James Bond but cancelled because said he had to work get pissed up @ some tossers house

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 30/10/2012 11:44

I'd lose all respect for someone who drank and drove. Does not sound as though it was a misjudged slightly over the limit situation. Unforgivable, and I would wonder about his morals generally.

OpheliaPayneAgain · 30/10/2012 11:47

Then he gets a call on the mobile from a man he has been with all afternoon wants to speak with me, wtf

Why did his drinking partner want to speak to you?

BethFairbright · 30/10/2012 11:49

Is this man an alcoholic and are you enabling him?

Staying in a relationship with a drink-driver is also an enabling behaviour.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 30/10/2012 12:06

ophelia I have no idea as I refused to engage, all I know is that it made me even angrier. I have asked him why this person wanted to talk to me and he said he had no idea. Up thread someone said they can see no problem drinking with mates, ( sadly we are talking about a man in mid 40's) BUT, had I not thought he was @ work, having let DS down about going to the cinema because he "Needed to work", came home pissed and proceeded to have a go at me because I had no interest in talking to him. I am still fuming 3 days later, he thinks I am over reacting and bearing a grudge

OP posts:

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 30/10/2012 12:18

He called you a bitch.

Name-calling is a dealbreaker for me.

OpheliaPayneAgain · 30/10/2012 12:23

Bearing a grudge 3 days later is a no-no. It eats away at you. Either ship him out or let it go.

Original poster

Orchidlady · 30/10/2012 12:31

hotdam in fairness I called him worse. I must admit I did loose my temper, the whole thing made me see red. We are speaking but I feel very cold inside. We have been together 19 years btw so a lot of history here.

OP posts:

BethFairbright · 30/10/2012 12:46

It would make me see red too if I encountered a drink driver. Don't you have a responsibility to innocent motorists, passengers and pedestrians or are you more pissed off at the effect this had on you?

Original poster

Orchidlady · 30/10/2012 12:54

Beth both to completely honest, and to fair I was not the one drinking driving never have never will. I am shocked he has done this, when he turned up drunk I just could not believe he would do this, the drive was about a hour, I went absolutely ballistic, not only the danger to other people is disgusting, the fact if he lost his licence his job would be over. He does have a drink problem but thought things had been under control for a couple of years, seems I was wrong

OP posts:

BethFairbright · 30/10/2012 13:04

He sounds like an alcoholic and you sound like an enabler I'm afraid.

It isn't your fault that he's abusive, alcohol-dependent and a criminal, but staying in a relationship with someone who is all these things is enabling all that. Your children won't thank you for that and will quite rightly blame you as much as him for making their home life so damaging. Maybe even more so because you don't have an addiction.

TheNorthWitch · 30/10/2012 13:34

Drink driving? Calling you a bitch? Nasty. Also don't forget that he let down your DS who will have been so disappointed not to see Skyfall and was probably anticipating it the whole day. What kind of lesson is that to teach him - that he is worth so much less than a piss-up? I agree with what Beth said - children WILL blame you for sticking your head in the sand and allowing abuse.

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