Where to even begin...?
My relationship with my Mum has been strained for years which is down to the way she treated me when I was growing up. Binge-drinking, affair, depression, falling pregnant to another man, splitting up with my Dad, lots of emotional blackmail etc. There is far too much to go into but needless to say I lost all respect I had for her by the time I reached my late teens.
I moved abroad 6 years ago (Europe) and have since had 2 children and am expecting my third in the next couple of weeks. My Mum was totally against me moving here as of course I was leaving her on her own, she has no friends any more.
Since I have lived here I have maintained contact with her and visit her fairly regularly and up until recently she came here for trips. It is nearly always strained and we often end up rowing as being under the same roof for 2 -3 weeks is hard. It is very intense.
Two years ago she was diagnosed with early onset Dementia and although she can still live independently she is slowly getting worse and I know eventually she won´t be able to cope on her own. I am so worried. I actually think it´s the worst thing that could have happened and I feel it is my punishment for leaving her. Despite everything she is still my Mum.
I know it would be so much easier if I lived in the UK and could help her out. On the other hand I know that if I had daily contact with her that would have a negative impact on the life I have with my DH and my children as deep down I cannot forgive the way she treated me. Sometimes just a simple commment she makes (usually about my children) brings it all flooding back.
But I am an only child and feel a huge sense of responsibility.
Not sure why I am posting really...maybe late pg hormones 