grumpy old woman but only with dh

[donotsquandertime]

Please tell me I am not alone, I seem to be permanently grumpy and impatient with dh, 20 odd years of marriage and everything he does seems to irritate me. I go to work sometimes and am pleasant and smiley and fun and I think God why I am I such a miserable person with him. Is this it no hope? did any of you ever feel like this and put it right?

Is he a glass half full or glass half empty person, did you think opposites attract when you first got together or were you always in step to begin with?

i think i have just become impatient with him, my dh is a good, kind man who is incredibly easy going and still this annoys me. I am not like this with anyone else and he is never like this with me so ialso feel incredibly guilty. On paper we seem to have good life, great friends, no money worries, happy teens but feel something missing because of the way i feel about dh and can not see it changing

Perhaps you're together too much. You say you work 'sometimes'... do you have interests outside the home? Does he? If you're a lively sort of person that needs a social life and interesting conversation 'kind and easy going' can seem very boring. Do you rely too much on each other for company?

Do you feel he is too easy-going, is it difficult to get a reaction from him? I ask this because I knew someone who always said her husband was a saint but she said as time went on she'd found his passivity quite dull and she began provoking him to get a reaction...

Is it a case of familiarity breeding contempt? Could you do more separately, spend less time together, go away with your own friends and have some adventures? Then you will both be bringing new and interesting things back into your marriage.

Hmm, that all sounds like a load of cliches now I've written it, sorry!

Thank you for all your replies:
Cog- sorry i meant i go to work and am sometimes happy-not i work only sometimes- i do in fact work full time
I have a good social life without him,lots of girl friends, and we also go out with other couples, sadly I think the problem is we have grown apart, I am happier alone and all passion has gone, and the more he attempts to ask what's wrong and tip toes round me the more irritated I become. Oh dear I sound vile don't I.

Not vile, unhappy. Lonely in one sense?

MyDonkey: You are right, also sad that it has come to this, and I don't have the feelings for my husband that I should have.

Perhaps an honest talk, face to face is overdue.

Far kinder now before any added complications like either of you meeting someone else, or perhaps enforced increased time spent together through redundancy, retirement or ill-health.

You are right, hard though isn't it the honest talk, I worry where it will lead,changes that it will make. I do know that is the sensible solution I just need the courage.

Sorry OP not trying to rush you. I don't mean take the nuclear option and immediately announce your marriage is over, I was thinking more along the lines of, calmly talk to him, he may be oblivious to how you are feeling. First identify the problem and ask him to accept you are serious and see if you can find a solution.

The trouble is, you will lose respect for him. Even the happiest most self absorbed teens will notice. I don't know how old your DCs are. Are you waiting for them to leave home so as not to rock the boat?