How often do your dc see their grandparents?

[Sexyfothermucker]

Just that really. My two ds only see their grandma(my mum) once a week for about forty minutes, if that. Sometimes not at all for two weeks. Their grandad (my dad) never bothers. Twice a year if they're lucky, and they don't seem to bothered by this at all (the grandparents not the dc). Is this the norm?? Or am I right to be a bit pissed off?

My DM doesn't work. DS goes to her some of the time that I'm working so he's there at least 3 hours a week. Often more. Next week he'll be there 3 days. My Dad is there sometimes too.

DMiL and her DH live abroad so we see them about twice a year.

My dad rarely, my mum about 1 time every other week, my eldest two don't see their paternal gps really at all (occasionally alcoholic gm but gf been long gone for ten years this year, no-one knows for sure where he is), they do spend a lot of time with my ILs their step GPs and my youngest's GPs; a minimum of twice or three times a week sometimes most days, I love my ILs though, they're brilliant.

My mum is dead, ds sees my dad six days a week. Has never met his paternal grandparents.

When we see my mum though we'll spend the whole day with her (have done today) would see her more if she wasn't with my dad still, my dad is very volatile and angry and not great for the children to be around.

It's not childcare I'm bothered about. My husband managed to change his shifts slightly so I can work 2 days a week. We don't rely on anyone for childcare. We manage on our own. I just want them to see my dc, not look after them.
They are 10 and 6.

My parents, once a year (they live abroad).

DH's parents, never (we are estranged from them).

My dc don't see my mum at all. We stopped speaking but I made it clear she could see my dc but she's not bothered. She sends them money for birthdays and Christmas, but that's it.
I've never had a relationship with my dad, so my dc don't have a grandad on my side.

My mil lives a couple of miles away but we hardly see her. We can easily go 2/3 months with no contact. My dc have never been round on their own for tea, she's never taken them for walks in their prams or even read them a story.
My fil is dead, but when he was alive, he was a good grandad.

I used to dwell on it, but I don't think it affects my dc as much as it affects me. My dc see a lot of a couple in their 60's who aren't related but never had their own dc. They are great substitutes.

The only good thing is that when my dc have kids, I will be the most doting grandmother they old ever wish for. I never want my dc to feel how I do!

Why does your mum only see them for 40 min? Could she come for longer/do something different every couple of weeks? Or is it sadly that they are just not that interested. It is very hard to accept that yours or your husband's parents are just not that into spending lots of time with your children, but this is the case for lots of people (who often like the idea of grandchildren but don't actually want to spend time with them!)

I think I would just try to make the time you have altogether as enjoyable as possible, and perhaps high quality, and then leave it at that, you can't force these things. Seeing your mum weekly is quite a bit though, so I'm guessing it's the quality that is bothering you.

Nancyclancy I could have written your post myself. That is exactly how it is with us.
Myself and dh have vowed to be the best grandparents we can possibly be. There is no way my dc are going to feel the way I am feeling right now.

Mumsyblouse my dm calls over for an hour once a week while the dc are at school. They finish at 3:25, I pick them up from school ( she doesn't come with me, she waits in my house) get home at about 3:45 and she leaves at 4:30.

I think it's quite normal for grandparents not to be very interested. We used to live an hr from my PILS. they came to visit maybe once a year, if pushed. If we took the dc to see them they weren't very interested. I think they'd got bored, they had 5 older grandchildren they'd been very involved with and just couldn't be bothered with ours. It did upset DP, they were his parents.

my parents live 100 miles away and see the dc maybe once every couple of months, they woudl like to see them more probably but they're very hard work (and often upset the children, as well as driving me towards a nervous breakdown) so we tend to limit that.

Sometimes I feel a bit sad for my children when it's grandparent day at school and they seem to be the only kids without a handy grandparent (my parents wouldn't bother putting themselves out for that sort of thing). But otherwise I don't think my dc miss out, they have quite a few keen aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, so it feels like quite a big involved family, just a bit lame on the grandparent front.

It depends how far away they live. PILs live close to SIL and so they see those gcs almost every day. They only see our dcs three times a week. PILs are not retired quite yet and live an hours drive away.

My parents try to visit us once a month. They are retired so have more time. They live 1.5 hrs train journey away.

They have a car each and they 15 minutes away

*live

My mum sees my dcs every day and takes dc1 away on holiday regularly (dc2 isn't yet old enough).

My df sees them every 2 weeks or so, he lives locally but doesn't get home from work early enough to see them during the week.

Dh's parents live abroad, they've only met dc2 once and are crap at taking an interest - I pulled mil up on it once but she argued her side for not emailing or Skyping so I left it at that.

I also see my maternal gp's most weeks - they are in their 80s but adore my dc's and sit with them for me to go to the dentist etc.

So that's normal for me, I have long since dropped the idea of pil's being anything other than rubbish as I'd get too wound up if I thought of how mine were treated differently to his Dsis' kids.

Thankyou for all the replies. It's nice to know we're not the only ones...

My folks try and come down every 6-8 weeks if they can. We like going up there (200 miles) but can't often afford the petrol or sadly the time, it's a long way for just a weekend.
Dh's parents live even further away and are just as skint as we are, plus mil at least is still working 5days a week so time at a premium their end too. We see them probably 4 times a year.

My parents everyday when me and my dh are working so some weeks it's 3 or 4 days other weeks just 1 day, they also have ds maybe once or twice a month overnight so we can go to the cinema etc, they live 15 mins away. PIL live 5 mins away and don't bother at all they haven't seen him since July, when they see us they walk past us in the street, they didn't even come to mine and dh wedding in August! They are incredibly toxic and self entitled so its no loss to our ds that they don't bother, anyway they are too busy emotionally abusing their other grandson and ringing social services about his mother to bother! Best thing we did was cut contact with his paternal grandparents!

My mum about once a week for an hour or so. She's always been very heavily into her social life (pub) so things haven't really changed since she became a grandma.

Mil about 4-5 times a year, birthdays, Christmas etc... She always goes quite ott with presents, bringing food, money. I'd love to say please just pop round more often and don't worry about bringing stuff but that's her way.

My DD's friend has a really close relationship with her GP's,- sleepovers, midweek dinners, weekends away, babysitting, days out, but then she's an only child.

Btw totally agree with what you say about being a fantastic grandparent one day. We feel the same.

Both sets live close by. My mum tries to have the 3 girls on a Saturday if she can and will pick them up in the morning & return them in their pjs.
This can go every weekend for five in a row then not at all for another five depending on what she's doing.

My dad is usually around that day but he will also cycle over to see me/them/the dog depending on who is home when he calls if it's been 4/5 days since last time.

The ILs wouldn't like a regular 'shift' and have a tendency to pop round just before bedtime and hype the kids up...

Before SIL moved abroad with her dcs they had a huge toy cupboard, a family car to fit them in, MIL used to have them every day after school and most weekends to sleep.

Same doesn't go for us or BIL- now they have a cream carpet instead!

So both sets are inv

Pressed post too soon..

• involved but not enough to have regular time with them in a reliable way. A good percentage of my close friends have at least one set who have the kids so they can go to work.

Both of our sets like to holiday too much for that!!

never. He's met my mam 3 times in total. The other side we don't have contact with for very good reasons.

he sees his adopt-a-grandparents about once or twice a month, if we can manage it.

Paternal Gps live over 2.5hours away and see them once a month and skype inbetween.

Maternal GPs live abroad and skype about once a month. When we went to visit them, they weren't too interested in making time to meet with us so I'm not going to visit them for another few years.

I have come to terms with their disinterest. My father doesn't even bother to say hi when DM skypes. I suit myself now.

I am really glad that Paternal Gps are fabulous.

Reassuring to hear of other different types of GPs. I hope I grow up to be a nice Gran.

Most days, we are all close geographically and emotionally, that's the way I like it.