am going up becuase of my cousins 21st this weekend but was thinking of calling in on her and seeing if we can just let things lie.
shes a nutbucket for sure. but shes my mother and she lives 300 miles away. i think i have got over my anger at her last physical and verbal onslaught. she is so proud that she will never apologise and chances are the door will be shut in my face.
she has periods of paranoia compounded by tinnitus - which s bound to make her znxious and a lot of other things. this is also compounded by winter depression - not elped becuase as shes getting older she is more housebound in the winter. no medical or social services help despite my trying for two years.
it allstarted becuase i sent her a letter ( she doesn't have a phone becuase of "the voices") as i was upset that she hadn't sent my son a birthday card or any of us a xmas card. In this letter i said that she didn't have to put any money in it - just send a card. shes a miser with money and it makes her miserable. her paranoia contributes to everyone wanting something for nothing - including her money, and makes for an all round bitter woman.
i went to see her after the letter on my next visit and she threw the pictures of my kids she had up on the wall at me and called my kids some horrible things - which was really a go at my rubbish parenting. and proceeded to call me names for not arranging toget her heating fixed and such and then this petit women manhandled me out of her house! She is convinced my husband and i stole money from a house sale - despite the fact that the house was in her name, she signed all the documents and we had no legal right - or bank details to committ this kind of forgery or theft - and this was over 16 years ago. i told her to ask her solicitor about it and how it could possibly have transpired that we managed to swidle her out of 2 grand ( like its worth it for fuck sake) and if it bothered her so very much i would give her the money anyway. she forgot anything nice we ever did, how we looked after her in our home when she fractured her pelvis - and i had three kids under 5 at the time. how i bought her an airplane ticket for xmas one year to come see us becuase she had mentioned how she had never been on a plane. how i drove 300 miles to fetch her when she couldnt take any more of the voices - she stayed with us for months.
i know on other threads i have advised that sometimes family members are just not worth the hassle. shes mid 60's now and has no friends, no communication with anyone - she goes into town for shopping a couple of times a week ( or used to). she doesn't speak to any of her family members. and i'm worried that one day shes pop her clogs and no one will know until the smell permiates through the walls.
so, should i risk giving her a knock? she's my mum all said and done. and although i am still angry at her accusations and insinuations ( especially the things she said about my children - like they wern't worthy of a card was the insinuation)
so i think i can get over myself to go say hello - but the chances are she'll shut the door in my face - or not open it in the first place.
shut i open myself up for it do you think?