Getting over someone - v. short relationship

[Beograde]

Hello,

I just need some advice on getting over someone. I met someone when I was on a work trip thousands of miles away. We clicked instantly, and within an incredibly short period of time, we were saying how happy we were.

It soon transpired that there was an ex on the scene (his side), but it was "all over", but "needed to be handled with care". In the end, he went back to his "ex" (whether she ever really was one!) to "give it another go".

Everyone of my friends are telling me he's an idiot, used me, etc, etc., and I suspect all that is true ... but I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about him. I've blocked him on Facebook, stopped most contact (except we do have to send some work emails). However, only the other week he writes to me to say "I've been telling myself though that the only way I'm going to get through at the moment is to decide to be happy. I know it's largely artificial and it's good when you leave me alone because I can keep telling myself that and believe it too".

Madly, I still find myself thinking that we were perfect for each other, and if he were only to realise, etc, we'd be fine. I know this is all complete madness on my side, but I can't stop thinking it. It's driving me crazy.

Thanks for that. I'll have to look into that book. I'm well this morning. Although he did email me yesterday, to tell me about a project I might be interested in (aahh!!!!) so I ended up replying to thank him, and then because of the time difference, kept on checking my phone to see if there was a reply.

How are you today?

I don't know. Other women will tell you if a man isn't running after you, then you should give up and focus on one who is. But why should you not be in charge of your destiny more and instead of passively accepting someone's interest, go after someone who interests you?

There are plenty of women who chase after men a bit (the object being to make them interested enough to chase after you), but perhaps they don't post on here, or keep it to themselves. I'm thinking of my SIL here who is not blessed in the looks or figure department, who is married to BIL who is an extremely handsome, high earning professional man, who was disinterested in her at first, and it took her 5 or 6 years to develop a relationship with him. Now they are married with two children and he is an excellent husband and father.

This man sounds to me as though he is wavering. Many men are cowards - they don't want to risk being single in case they can't get another girlfriend. Having an existing on-off girlfriend is not the same as having exchanged marriage vows - they are not bound together for life.

geegee, it's this thinking that gives me (false) hope. He has chosen his ex over me - at least in the short term and it makes more sense - there are no geographical constraints, etc. According to him, they'd been on and off for a year so I don't think they'll work out.

The other problem is that if I do chase, there's a huge risk I'll look pathetic, and secondly, I'm the OW, getting in the way of their relationship, which is just not a good place to be.