Lost connection with controlling DP. Leave or stay?

[Isitsafetocomeoutofthecloset]

Ok, I've been with DP for around a year, not living together, anniversary is coming up in next week or so.
Will try not to dripfeed so bare with me.
When we met, I basically fell for him straight away, I know its silly, it wasn't exactly love at first sight, but it was certainly close. I was just in the middle of a really bad depression stage, so bad I was cutting and he helped me out of it, he was so patient and kind and exactly what I needed. Things were brilliant for a while, he seemed to want to be with me all the time, it made me feel so beautiful and loved and I was so happy. I have so much love for him, but recently, over the summer, some problems have cropped up. Things I never noticed before.

1. I'm starting to feel a little suffocated by him, it's so lovely that he wants to see me so much, but he worries so much when i don't answer my phone or texts, he doesn't really give me any time to myself. For instance I was out with a friend going to meet some of her friends, and he basically started worrying about not being able to see me that day, and guilt-tripped me into agreeing that he could come along with us. My friend was a little bit pissed as she claimed "he invited himself." Then he just stood awkwardly, didn't talk to anyone, then left halfway through saying I was ignoring him and clearly didn't want him there.
2. He isn't really... going places. Has no A levels, Btech instead, bad GCSE's, no aspirations, and i feel like he sort of... envy's me because I'm relatively academic, and went to university and got good grades in school. But then I worked hard for them, throughout his studies he told me he barely tried. I'm not sure I want to be with a guy who has this kind of work ethic now that I think about it.
3. He sort of expects sex whenever he is ready, no matter if I am. not a major point but it's there. Also not the best at it iyswim. 4)There's just something missing. I don't know what it is, it was there and now it's not. Maybe it's the romance. Anyway i just feel sort of lost without it.
4. He used to be so funny when we were friends, could always make me laugh. Now he just doesn't even try.
5. He's a bit socially awkward. i love sociallising now, i feel like I missed out when I was a teenager because of my depression, so I love going out with friends now while i can. He just doesn't try to go out or meet my friends, or talk to them. They all make an effort with him but he responds minimally.

Don't get me wrong, I love him, so much, but I was thinking to myself the other day, I don't want this sort of life for the rest of my life. He's been talking about marriage a lot recently. I don't know if I should stick it out and hope it gets better, or if I should break it off now while I still have the chance. :S Help please x

bogey just detailed my first long term relationship

thankfully, although there was no MN back then, I took option (2)

every day I read of yet another good woman being brought down by useless fucks like this, I think how very different my life could have been and it's like someone has walked over my grave < shudder >

Men like that only punch above their weight when a woman is at rock bottom, then they spend all their energy trying to keep her at rock bottom.

You deserve so much better!

my ex twat was certainly punching above his weight

it took me a while to realise it

See how it's not got better in the last year, it's got worse? That's what you're looking at long-term for this relationship IMO. And it'll probably go down hill from here too. You're best off out of it, put yourself first, because it sure sounds like he isn't.

Dear OP,
am joining the others thinking yup Bogey's got it summed up in a nutshell. Of course, the details may be a little different but the basic story is the same.
You can, perhaps [hhmm] thank him for the initial rescue mission but that it doesn't mean you have to play by his script for the rest of your life.
Use the fact that you've got friends, are not cutting/depressed to do a bit of counselling yourself re the root causes of that and then it's upwards and onwards to an equal relationship where you both want the same things. And you use the collective wisdom of all the years the posters have wasted in crap relationships with abusers to good effect. One thing none of us wants is to see another person wasting more precious time on a loser - broomstick smiley for LTB now!

OP you need to separate from what you would like this person to be like from they are actually like.

I got option (c) as described by Feckbox. I used to think I could sort out his problems, give him a happier life, reason him out of depression, boost his self-esteem and ambition. Every now and then he'd achieve something and I'd think great, we're getting there, this is what he's really capable of. But it seemed he was frightened of success, because he couldn't wait to back out of it and do something self-destructive instead. Annoyingly, he really was capable of a lot, he was just hamstrung by depression and refused to do anything about it. In the end I realised I could never pull him up, he could only pull me down. Sometimes it doesn't matter why people are the way they are, the only thing that counts is that they won't change, so can you live with it? Should you even try? With hindsight I'd say no.

Helping you when you were at your lowest ebb is good. You owe him some consideration and thanks for that. Which is not at all to say you owe him going out together for the rest of your life. Most of us would be happy to know we had helped someone out of a bad time, we wouldn't feel we owned them.

Annie did you get out ?

Bogeyface...you articulate so well and it's sort of sad it resonates with so many of us. OP - listen, however hard it may seem to leave.